


I Once Was

by shinosnipslip



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-17 10:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinosnipslip/pseuds/shinosnipslip
Summary: Gaius Cousland, once the Hero of Ferelden, finds himself working along side the Inquisition, only to have a hard time moving past the events of ten years ago. (I know, shocker :o) He joined the Inquisition under the assumption that he was a simple pilgrim making his way through. When Adralan Lavellan, the Inquisitor, assigns Gaius to his group, it becomes increasingly difficult to hide his identity from the prying eyes of others.





	1. Chapter 1

Gaius let out a sigh in the Herald’s Rest. He was thankful no one, aside from Leliana, had figured out his identity. Several people had come close, but they were always torn away from asking him who he was. For that, he was thankful. It didn’t help his nerves any that the Qunari known as the Iron Bull, a Ben-Hassrath, was watching him, keeping a close eye on him.

He scratched the stubble on his chin as he reached into his pocket for coin to pay Cabot, the barkeep, pulling his hood down low over his eyes, tugging his cloak close.

“You’ve been here a lot recently,” Cabot began, counting Gaius’ coin. Annoyance set itself nicely in Gaius’ mind. “I know all the patron’s names in here. Who exactly are you?”

Gaius cleared his throat, dying to turn around and leave to go back to his tent, maybe to talk to Leliana. “A mystery.” He finally found the chance to leave, barely catching the eye roll from the dwarf. He wasn’t a fan of the tavern, regardless. Too many women, as well as drunk men, flirted with Gaius. And after Morrigan broke his heart all those years ago, he wasn’t ready to fully commit to anyone, eventually sending him into a spiral, thinking that he wasn’t suitable for anyone. Flings were one thing, relationships were another. He didn’t want to, and nor did he find the right person.

Gaius wasn’t much of a mystery. He was, as Wynne used to call him, a “good boy”. Easily predictable. “Cute” as Zevran often called him.

And because he was so predictable, he caught the eye of the Ambassador and the Inquisitor, eyes he didn’t want watching him.

Skyhold was beautiful, but no better than Castle Cousland. Gaius always managed to get back home and talk to Fergus, help him with the castle.

He felt the heat of the sun leave him as he entered the building, passing a blonde dwarf who was engaged in conversation with a dark-haired mage, clearly from Tevinter. His feet carried him to where he often found the ginger archer.

She’s changed was his first thought when he first saw her here. _She’s no longer the carefree young lady I travelled with._

“How’s Ronan…?” Leliana asked him as he walked up, not looking up from her reports. Gaius gave up early on sneaking up on her.

“He’s adjusting well to the cooler temperatures here in Orlais…” Gaius’ voice was low. Tired. Ronan, his mabari, was an overgrown lap-dog, but a dog Gaius loved to pieces. His fingers graced the head of the nearest crow, stroking it gently. “May I ask what changed…?”

“What do you mean, old friend?” She regarded him as if he were a scout. Cold, distant. Not the Lady he travelled with.

He was slowly losing patience with her being so vague. “I mean, you used to be so happy. So cheerful and full of life. What happened, Leliana…?” His voice was an unusual tone of gentle one could only hear of they were close enough with him.

“Divine Justinia… Mother Dorothea…” Leliana answered, looking back down at her reports. He knew they were the same person. He often talked to Mother Dorothea before she became Divine. “Her death… Everything.”

“I know…” Gaius’ voice still held that gentle tone to it, still quiet. He reacted, and still is, how Leliana is when he got the news that Wynne had been killed. He remained petting the crow gently. “I know I hurt you in the past, Leliana, but please don’t let that stop us from remaining friends.” Guilt piled up in the back of Gaius’ throat. He hated that he toyed with her feelings all those years ago. “I don’t have many anymore. And I don’t want to die by the Calling without at least one by my side.”

He hadn't talked to Alistair in years; Zevran was waging his own little war with the Crows; he hadn't heard from Shale or Sten in a while, either. Who knew what was going on over in Par Vollen. Oghren he wasn't overly worried about, but after that whole 'The Mother' debacle over in Amaranthine, he hadn't heard from him nor Felsi. Morrigan was a totally different issue altogether, an issue he didn't want to, nor had the courage to deal with.

“You’re hearing it too…?” Leliana’s voice echoed throughout the rotunda, worry evident in her voice, sending the crows into a close frenzy.

Gaius knew of this Corypheus. He knew the threat he carried. “Yes, and I don’t think-”

“Shut your mouth, Gaius Cousland.” Leliana’s voice grew harsh. His stormy grey eyes snapped towards her. “The Inquisitor will find a way to take down Corypheus. You will be fine. Nothing will happen. I swear-”

“Is it just me or do your crows seem particularly anxious today, Lady Spymaster?” A male’s voice sounded from behind Gaius, eliciting a jump.

“Dorian, we were talking.” Leliana’s voice held slight anger. Annoyance, if anything.

“I understand, but I do have one question for your friend.” Dorian stepped beside Gaius, the taller of the two gentlemen refusing to make eye contact.

Gaius feared his question, as he did almost every single one, recently.

“Are you the Hero of Ferelden?”

_That didn’t last long.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

“I might have underestimated your people, Leliana.” Gaius grinned for what seemed like the first time in months.

They were alone. Two weeks had passed since the realization that he was the Hero.

She let out a quiet laugh, allowing herself to relax with Gaius around. “Most of them are in awe of you, Gaius, more so than with the Inquisitor. Even if they’ve never met you. Or the Inquisitor.” She started babbling.

“Despite everyone talking about the… Inquisitor, I’ve never once met the person.” Gaius wasn’t lying. He’s heard of them, knowing they were always flitting about, never really staying in once spot long enough.

“He’s rather quiet. He reads a lot.” Leliana spared a look at her reports, pushing aside stray papers. “If he wasn’t the Herald, he’d make a great scout.”

“Remember when we saw the Ashes of Andraste…?” Gaius tried to change the subject, and by the look and spark in Leliana’s eyes, it worked.

“That was magnificent… The best experience we’ve ever encountered so far.” A genuine smile was plastered across her face. She placed her elbows on the table, lacing her fingers together.

Gaius remembered Alistair’s awe as they approached the Urn. And Zevran’s blatant “I should get that for my house”. He remembered Morrigan’s gaze on him as he took a pinch of the Ashes. He’s never been looked at in awe like that, and he doubted he’d ever get used to it. He remembered what he and Morrigan did before the fight with the Archdemon. What happened to the child? Was it alright? A sudden onslaught of thoughts raced through his mind. He wasn’t in his right mindset after the fight, looking for a way to end the Calling while listening to Corypheus’ own false call was making matters worse.

“The Calling again…? That small sound…?” Leliana’s voice was quiet as she saw his discomfort, his sudden rigidness.

“Yes… It’s… Like a children’s song that… I can’t stop trying to figure out what they’re saying. It’s all muddled together. It’s so frustrating, Leliana.” Gaius voiced his frustration.

“I know. Well, I don’t, but I can try, right?” Leliana tried to keep the mood light. The two had become closer in recent weeks. Gaius saw a different side of her whenever a scout walked up, or if the Inquisitor dropped off a message. It was a side that he didn’t want to cross.

Gaius let out a chuckle through his nose. “Yeah…”

“Hey. The Inquisitor could use your skills out in the field. We’re both great with spotting things that others wouldn’t see,” Leliana thought, thinking about a use for Gaius. All he did was train with the soldiers and win. This was slowly becoming a waste of time. “I could convince the Inquisitor to take you with him.”

Gaius thought about this, sipping at his tea. “Alright. I’m game.” Gaius finished his tea, burning the roof of his mouth. “Where exactly is this group going?”

“As soon as the Inquisitor meets with the Champion of Kirkwall, he’ll be underway to his next destination. I’d ask him where you’re going next. Introduce yourself, Gaius. It’s not that hard.” Her Orlesian accent made it slightly difficult to understand her.

“Where can I meet the Champion? Maybe I can meet both the Inquisitor and the Champion.” Gaius was getting nervous. He never thought that would happen again.

“She’s on the battlements. When you’re leaving the Hall, the staircase all the way to the back and head right. She’s at the corner. Varric is with her right now. If you go now, you could meet both the Inquisitor and the Champion. Imagine, three powerful people together…”

“Leliana, I’m not _that_ powerful.” Gaius reminded her. “I’m just a man.”

“A man who is the Hero of Ferelden.” Leliana allowed herself to counter Gaius’ statement.

Gaius began walking off to the battlements, feeling the bottom of his cloak lightly tap his calves. He thought about Leliana’s words. He didn’t think he was that powerful. He didn’t think anyone would listen to an old has-been.

He felt the familiar chill of Starfang on his back, Duncan’s dagger humming with energy as he made his way to meet another hero. Or two, if he got there before the Inquisitor.

He’d heard about Hawke, heard she defeated the Arishok one-on-one. She’d been at the beginning of it all, and even then, it wasn’t the real beginning. It’d been happening years before the Chantry explosion. If he’d have been there with Hawke… Convinced Anders not to do that… He considered Anders a friend, and he does this…

Gaius followed Leliana’s directions. Once he reached the top of the staircase, he held onto his hood, making sure his face wasn’t easily seen by other eyes.

Off in the distance, he could make out three different figures.

 _Ah, shit…_ Alas, he was too slow. He saw an elf, another human, and a dwarf. The dwarf was Varric, Gaius knew that much. The other human? Possibly Hawke. Finally, he made out that the elf was the Inquisitor, Adralan Lavellan.

His eyes studied the group from afar. He still hated greeting people, especially while they were in the middle of a conversation.

He steeled his nerves, listening to that song ringing about his head in the silence.

“Inquisitor…” His voice was quiet as he walked up, his feet as silent as a cat’s.

“I apologize, but I’m having a private conversation here.” The Inquisitor’s voice was cold, but it was understandable.

“I understand.” Gaius nodded. “But… As a Grey Warden, I believe I can help.”

“You’re a Grey Warden?” The Inquisitor asked. “Like Blackwall?”

 _Blackwall… Blackwall…_ He couldn’t think of someone named Blackwall. “Not ringing a bell. Sorry. Regardless, I am a Grey Warden, this… False Calling is proof of that. I… I might be able to help with Corypheus.”

“You…” Hawke stared at Gaius with piercing blue eyes. “You know it’s false?”

“Yes. I’ve been a Warden for only a third of a Warden’s life. It is far too early for the Calling to take place for me. I know it’s false.”

“You know about Corypheus?” Hawke continued her questioning.

“Yes. After the Blight, I looked for a way to stop the Calling – the real Calling, not this false one that Corypheus is conjuring. If this is successful, I can end the Calling for me. Hopefully for all Grey Wardens.” Gaius continued. He told Alistair this, when they last talked. Granted it was a long time ago, but he was certain Alistair would help him.

“Impressive.” The Inquisitor’s brown eyes held no warmth. “But that still doesn’t tell me who you are.”

“Talk to me after a few drinks.” Gaius smirked, allowing his smirk to be seen from under his hood. “I talked to your Spymaster, Leliana. She suggested that I join you on your travels in search of ways to end the Calling.”

“You’re welcome to join us, and we’ll certainly take a look. Anyway, Hawke, you said you have a friend?” The Inquisitor turned his attention back to the Champion.

“Ah, yeah. He’s been running from the Grey Wardens, saying they’ve been doing things that weren’t the brightest of things. Last I heard, he was in an old cave in Crestwood. His name is Alistair.”


	3. Chapter 3

Adralan wandered the Hall, looking at the other nobles here. The Lavellan didn’t belong here. He belonged in the forests, with the halla, with aravel, with other elves, not with shem who wore dresses and hats, and hid their faces behind masks that barely hid anything.

He had no idea who that hooded person was, only that he had caught Adralan’s attention. He seemed important, like Hawke. And he knew about Corypheus, the very monster Adralan swore to defeat.

 _That stubble… The jaw… That’s all I saw…_ Adralan’s thoughts were all muddled together.

“What’cha thinking about, Fluff?” Varric brought Adralan out of his thoughts. ‘Fluff’ was the nickname that the dwarf had given him. Apparently, he was intimidating, but really soft and ‘adorable’.

“That guy with the hood… He… He feels like the sort of person who should be at the seat of power, or _actually_ Inquisitor, or something…” Adralan voiced his thoughts. The elf was considerably confused, tucking away his long brown hair behind his ear.

“He passed by here a few weeks ago. Caught Sparkler’s attention. He does look suspicious, to say the least, but he knows about Corypheus. If I might suggest something? Keep him as an ally. He looks like he needs a hug.” Varric chuckled.

“Leliana suggested that I take him with me when I go to Crestwood. Just like he said.” Adralan let out a mix between a grunt and a groan, drumming his fingers on the table. “I don’t know; he doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised, my dear Inquisitor.” Dorian walked up. Adralan looked up from his fingers to the Altus. His eyes sparkled with secrecy.

“You know something. I know you do.” Adralan leapt to his feet, pointing a playful finger at Dorian. “Tell me your secrets.”

Dorian let out a laugh. “I can’t. He swore me to secrecy.”

Adralan rolled his eyes. “I’ll figure it out then.” He stormed off, a smirk on his lips, thinking this was a challenge to figure out who this mystery man was.

He reached the Herald’s Rest where he often saw the man sitting and drinking. Looking around, he caught the attention of Bull, who walked over to him.

“You look lost, boss.” He began, guiding Adralan out of the place, walking with him.

“I am – sort of. I mean… That mystery guy? The one with the hood? You know who he is?” Adralan thought Bull had all the answers, alas he was wrong.

“No, but it’s bugging me too.” The Ben-Hassrath let out a troubled sigh. “I’d get him drunk if he didn’t run off as soon as I stood.”

“Maybe he’s scared of you?” Adralan took an educated guess. “I-I mean, people, like me, are naturally slightly frightened by Qunari, but take away the hot-heads in the clan and other hot-headed elves-”

“Boss, you’re babbling again.” Bull noticed the tiny elf did this often. Whenever he got nervous, or thought he was being backed into a corner, Adralan always began prattling, putting his right hand under his chin, putting his analytical mind to work in “trying” to defend his position. Bull thought it was adorable.

“Right. Sorry.” Adralan cursed himself. He told himself to stop doing that when he became the Herald, but here he was, doing it all over again. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Hey, boss?” Bull began.

“Yeah?” Adralan had to raise his hand to block out the sun, trying to look up to the Qunari.

“I’m going with you, right?”

“Absolutely.” He allowed himself to smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Gaius’ eyes remained on the rift in the lake. He’s never seen one before.

He stood on his toes, trying to raise to his full height to see the rift, only to hear the Iron Bull scoff.

“Y’know, a mysterious guy like yourself standing on your tip-toes kind of makes it seem like you’re a child reaching for a piece of candy.”

Gaius played along. “I _am_ a child, and in my case, trying to see the rift is my candy.”

“You’ve never seen one before?” Dorian asked.

“No. Well, not up as close as this, however.” Gaius explained. He cracked his knuckles, watching the Inquisitor walk back from talking with the head scout, Scout Harding. Gaius saw her a few times walking around Skyhold, but they’ve never talked.

Gaius was still on his tip-toes, trying to get a good look at the lake when he felt the Iron Bull’s strong hands lift him up so he could see.

“H-Hey!” Gaius let out an alarmed shout. “Put me down!” He felt Bull’s hands push Gaius up even further so that he was practically standing on Bull’s hands. He attempted to jump down, only to feel Bull’s arms wrap around him, holding him up high, knowing full well that the Qunari was laughing. He was practically sitting on Bull’s shoulders. “This is embarrassing…!” He felt his face burning to his ears. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was satisfying being held like this. Why did he like this? He was the one who was supposed to give hugs and hold like this. Not the other way around.

Bull laughed loudly behind him. Gaius heard three other sets of laughter, looking around to see the Inquisitor laughing behind his glove, Dorian following suit, but forgoing the hand. He saw Harding giggle as well.

Gaius let out a soft sigh, feeling the rain hit his hood. He still couldn’t tear his eyes away from the rift. He’d been in the Fade before, but…

“Inquisitor…” Gaius mumbled. Adralan looked up to the Grey Warden, tears mixed with rain in his eyes, the tiny elf looking up at his stubble-covered chin. “Have you been in the Fade before?”

“No.” He answered. Gaius felt Bull let him down, his feet unsteady on the wet grass. Or mud. It’s Ferelden; no one really knows. “What’s it like?”

“You, uh…” Gaius let out a weak laugh. He held no love for the Fade, and would gladly die happily if he never thought about it. “You would much rather prefer to live life fullest in the waking world, my friend. There’s a lot of history, however.”

“Friend?”

“Too soon?” Gaius straightened out his cloak. Adralan, much like Leliana, showed a different side of himself when out in the field. “My apologies, my Lord.”

“No-no, I didn’t… Ugh… Stubborn _shem_ …” Adralan grumbled under his breath as he began to trudge along the mud-ridden path. Gaius forced himself to laugh to ease the tension in the air.

“That sounded forced, Hero…” Dorian’s voice was quiet as they began to follow the Inquisitor.

“I try to keep the mood light when I’m not, Dorian… And please… Don’t call me that…” Gaius lowered his head slightly to whisper into the Tevinter’s ear. “I’m not a hero…”

“There must be a way to get to the rift in the lake.” Adralan spoke up. His eyes were peeled on the lake, trying to figure out a way to get to it.

“It’s simple. Swim.” Gaius stated, raising a shoulder in a shrug.

“Swimming?” Bull suggested.

“You’re not helping…” Adralan groaned. “And I meant something other than stripping and wading into water that your Maker forgot to warm up…”

“Still. Two to one.” Gaius smirked, following the Inquisitor up the path.

“I’d pay to see that.” Dorian finally joined the conversation.

The group heard distant shouting and loud groans, forcing Gaius to assume that there were undead somewhere near here. As soon as Adralan took his bow off his back, the rest of the group followed suit with their weapons.

He felt the familiar weight of Starfang in his right hand, Duncan’s dagger in his left as he charged, his thigh muscles burning as he began to run.

“It’s the Inquisitor!” One of the men fighting the corpses shouted. Gaius faltered in his steps when he saw the familiar shine of silver and blue.

Gaius swung his sword up, attempting to cut off an arm from the nearest corpse, digging his dagger into its chest and bringing it close as to slice off its head.

_Aim for the head._ He remembered Alistair telling him. He remembered the first time he’d had to fight these things.

“Then Andraste is with us!” The second Grey Warden shouted. They sounded Fereldan. If they knew who Gaius was, they’d drag him to Orlais to speak with Clarel. Since he was Warden-Commander here in Ferelden, they should listen to him. Gaius, however, had no intention of letting his identity loose so early, however. He’d keep it a secret for as long as he could, save for Dorian and Leliana.

Gaius let out a sigh once he saw that the fight was over.

“Are you alright?” One of the Grey Wardens asked a villager. Why she was out here, Gaius didn’t know. He dared a glance at Adralan, whom he found watching him, waiting for his hood to fall off. Realizing he’d been caught, Adralan’s face flushed as he looked away, walking to the other Grey Wardens. He grabbed hold of Adralan’s arm, silently telling him to _not_ give his identity away to these people. Seemingly getting the message, Adralan nodded, his eyes still holding no warmth.

“Yes… I’m fine.” The villager answered.

“I’d go back to the village, miss. These roads aren’t safe.” The same Grey Warden spoke. The other one had his eyes peeled on the approaching group. The first one watched as the woman ran back to the village.

“The Grey Warden’s thank you for your aid, Inquisitor.” The first Grey Warden spoke up.

_Alright. I have no idea who these men are. The first one’s name is… Don… The second one’s name is Clive. Don and Clive. There we go. Simplicity itself…_ Gaius stifled a laugh, hiding his smiling mouth behind his glove. Don looked at him, wondering as to what was so funny.

“What exactly are you doing in Crestwood?” Adralan asked Don. Clive wandered about, looking for any other corpses, sparing a few glances at the group.

“Ser Alistair of Ferelden is wanted for questioning.” Don answered, picking at the pommel of his sword. “We heard he passed through here earlier, but the villagers knew nothing. They have troubles enough.”

_Why wanted…? What did Alistair do? Steal cheese from Clarel? From some fancy Orlesian party? Alistair would never-_

“What have you been told about this rogue Warden?” Adralan’s voice held no accusatory tone, but the coldness in his eyes certainly didn’t help matters.

Gaius’ shoulders tensed. Noticing this, Dorian placed a gentle hand on Gaius’ lower back, telling him to relax. He can get mad later. Now was not the time.

“Warden-Commander Clarel ordered his capture. I can say no more than that.” Don shook his head, putting his sword back into its scabbard.

_Oh, dear Maker, Alistair stole cheese from Clarel._ Gaius tried to avoid rolling his eyes.

“I hope Ser Alistair comes peacefully. I’ll not fight the man that fought that many darkspawn.”

_More like screamed at them in attempt to get them to move along…_

Adralan dared a glance at Gaius, watching, waiting for his reaction when Don spoke up.

“I’m sorry, ser, but you look oddly familiar.” Don’s question was aimed at Gaius. Fear set itself in Gaius’ throat. “Have we met before?”

“No! N-No, not at all.” Gaius’ voice was shaky, already giving away as to who he was. _This is not good…_

Dorian let out a sigh, exasperated that he was freaking out. Gaius cleared his throat in attempts to calm himself down. He scratched the back of his head through his hood.

“Will you stay to fight the undead?” Adralan desperately tried to change the subject, trying to get it away from the awkward moment.

“My orders forbid it.” Don answered Adralan, his eyes still on Gaius. He had to have known who Gaius was. “Crestwood was only a detour.”

Bull let out a dissatisfied grunt.

“If the Inquisition can help, I beg you to do what you can. The villagers have already lost too many.”

Adralan offered another quick nod, placing his chin in his hand, seemingly lost in deep thought. “Farewell…”

“Ser,” Clive began. Gaius offered up another smirk, trying desperately to hide his laugh. “Are you sure we can’t help the village?”

“Our orders are clear,” Don began, fixing his helmet as he started to walk. “If we can’t find Warden Alistair, return to Warden-Commander Clarel with all haste.”

“Still don’t feel right…” Clive muttered, clutching his bow close to him.

_Fereldan, without a doubt. But why is Clarel getting rid of my title…? Does she think I died? Why is she undermining my authority?_ I’m _Warden-Commander of Ferelden. She’s Warden-Commander of_ Orlais _. Something doesn’t feel right…_

“I can tell you’re angry, stranger.” Bull directed his attention to Gaius. “What’s wrong?”

Gaius only answered when the other Wardens were further away from earshot. “Those Wardens… It’s nothing. I’ll figure it out when we find the Warden.”

“None of those Wardens mentioned a new leader. I don’t think they’re part of Corypheus’ plot to seize the Order.” Adralan spoke up once Don and Clive were far enough away. His feet splashed in the mud as the group began to walk again.

“They weren’t particularly good actors, no.” Dorian agreed.

“Anything to add, Warden?” Adralan’s voice ran cold, sending shivers down Gaius’ spine.

_Little shit…_ “No.” He lied. _Something’s really wrong…_

“I hope Hawke’s Warden friend has some answers for us.” Adralan forced a sigh out, trying to relax. Gaius remembered the frustration of leadership and felt nothing but pity for the elf.

_Yes… I hope he explains why he stole cheese from Clarel. Orlesians and their stinky cheese…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alistair x Cheese forever.


	5. Chapter 5

“There’s the keep the mayor talked about.” Adralan began, his voice muffled by the rain. He didn’t like this. “And the bandits.”

“Gate open, no patrols,” Bull looked at the keep. “Risky, but we could rush it.” No doubt the Bull wanted to do this. He was bred for action. The man was born for charging in.

“Seconded,” The Warden spoke up, startling the elf. He’d completely forgotten that the _shem_ was there. The Grey Warden hadn’t said much since meeting the other wardens, and Adralan was curious. Was he _that_ shaken up about this whole Ser Alistair ordeal? Or was he nervous about meeting a hero of the fifth Blight? Who _was_ this guy?

The Warden must have seen Adralan’s intense gaze, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, the Warden offered a playful kissing face, turning the tips of Adralan’s ears a light shade of pink.

“As long as you two are sending air kisses, could I trouble you for a more… tangible one?” Dorian teased, poking the hooded man in the side.

The man laughed, scratching his head through his hood. “Talk to me after a few drinks, Dorian.”

Rolling his eyes, Adralan readied his bow, taking aim at the wooden doors of Caer Bronach.

He allowed his arrows to fly, hearing them sing in the air. Strafing to the right, he ended up bumping Dorian, and now that he knew the mage’s whereabouts, he stood a few feet in front of him, protecting him from any on coming attacks. This is how it’s always been. Archers in front of the mages, defending them, while the warriors charged in with the dual wielders. Adralan wouldn’t have it any other way.

“What’s that?!” He heard one of the bandits shouting. It always made Adralan’s blood rush when they had the element of surprise. It was only a matter of time until they’d catch them without their breeches. He’d need to bring Sera with him when that happened. Maybe with Corypheus with his red and yellow stockings. They’d both shoot him in the danglebag.

He watched as the Warden pinned a bandit down, allowing Bull to do the rest. He saw the faint flashes of blue and silver, but he couldn’t be too certain. This man admitted to both him and Hawke that he was a Grey Warden, but there had to be something else to this man. That couldn’t be it.

He saw an enemy bandit with a long sword charge at the warden. “Warden, behind you!” Adralan ran in, his reflexes kicking in, feeling like he was protecting his kid brother back home.

As luck would have it, the Warden turned around faster than the Inquisitor got to him, suffering a blow to his arm as he pushed the elf down.

Adralan’s eyes went nowhere other than the Warden’s striking grey eyes. He caught a glimpse of black hair matted against his dirty forehead due to the rain.

Quick as he could, the Warden “borrowed” a throwing knife from Adralan’s belt, managing to get the knife through his forehead. The bandit dropped like a pebble in a lake, fast and hard.

Adralan saw speckles of blood splashed across the man’s already dirty face. Even if it was just a glimpse, the elf thought the Warden looked familiar, and more than just a simple Grey Warden. He saw his grey eyes pillowed with dark bags under them. A thin scar traced from the left side of his nose, along his cheekbone, to the outside corner of his left eye.

Grunting as he stood, he helped Adralan up, feeling how firm the Warden’s grip was.

“Are you alright?” Adralan fired off an explosive arrow at a distant bandit.

“I’ll be fine…” The Warden’s voice was quiet. “I’ve suffered worse than this, Inquisitor. You didn’t have to dive in for me.” He kept pushing up the stairs, Adralan behind him, Dorian following closely. Bull was already up on the second level.

“I… I don’t know, it was like – Reinforcements!” Adralan shouted, sighting several others run out of the tower. “Like I was keeping my kid brother back home from getting hurt.”

“Keep doing that and you’ll get yourself hurt, Adralan…” The man dug his daggers into an approaching enemy’s gut, the blood flowing over the rogue’s hands as he ripped his dagger and sword upward. Adralan could barely see his sword’s faint blue glow from behind the bandit’s back.

“I’d rather do that than see anyone else get hurt on my behalf, like you just did.” They reached the second-floor clearing, beginning to push up to the third.

“Like I said, I’ve suffered worse.” The Warden intended to leave it at that, though Adralan wouldn’t let it.

Opening his lips to find a retort, he heard several other bandits shouting.

“Cut them off, keep moving!” One had shouted. _Still holding that element of surprise, even with this small group of four._

“Where’s the Chief?!” A second shouted over the confusion.

“Move!” The group heard doors slam, cutting off access to make this whole thing easier.

“It’s never made easy, isn’t it?” Adralan could hear the Warden smile.

“Apparently not, my friend.” Dorian matched their pace. Hopefully, they were nearing the end of this damned siege.

Starfang’s familiar weight in Gaius’s right hand was starting to pull at his already thin gloves. Taking a keep was a tad harder than he thought it was.

He felt his boots splash in the deep puddles, his socks soaking wet. His right arm felt numb _. Bastard must have gotten under the shoulder pad… Damn it, and that’s my good arm…_

He ran up to an unaware bandit, taking aim at the Bull, checking him as roughly as possible over the edge to the first level. Gaius scurried away as fast as possible so he couldn’t hear that fatalistic _thud_ as the body hit the pavement. It still happened in his mind, however, and it was as loud as a drum was beating into his ear.

_I’ve killed hundreds of bandits and warlords, why is this one different?_

“Rrrrah!” Adralan shouted as he let loose a powerful bolt, stretching the bow further to get a more powerful shot. The Warden watched, defending as he did, as Adralan suffered an arrow to his right shoulder, veering his shot over the balcony of the highest floor, grazing the man’s hood. Landing on his left knee, Adralan took a deadly aim at the enemy’s Lieutenant, flooring him instantly, allowing Bull a chance to decapitate him.

“Maker’s _breath_!” The Warden’s voice wasn’t friendly, but neither was it exhausted. “Watch where you’re shooting!”

“I can’t help it, you stubborn _shem_!” Adralan retaliated, watching as the Warden moved for Adralan’s shoulder. “What are you-”

“Shut up, and let me help you.” His voice was commanding, forcing Adralan’s body to stand as still as possible, catching a breath and waiting for the next wave. The Warden snapped the arrow in half, opening the wound a tad to get the tip of the arrow out of the Inquisitor’s shoulder. Letting out a small yelp as the arrow was gently taken out, the Warden quickly wrapped the Inquisitor’s shoulder up, pushing the Inquisitor behind a fallen wall as the fight began again. “Do as little fighting as you can, y’here?”

Adralan tried to tease through the pain, feeling a potion’s bottle being pressed roughly against his lips. “Yes, mother.” Licking his lips, he could taste the elfroot from the potion linger.

“Shut up, and keep low.” The Warden ran in, hearing the bandits shout.

“Maker, it’s the Inquisitor!” A distant voice had shouted from the main tower.

His voice was followed by a more commanding one, more violent, threatening. “Who cares?! Gut him!”

Adralan let out a shout as he used his mark on the Chief, pressing his hand up and out. A dull green light illuminated the area, killing the weaker of the remainder of the bandits here, fatally wounding the Chief.

The Warden let loose a war cry in sync with the Iron Bull as they both brought their weapons down on the man. Dorian let loose a flurry of elemental bolts from his staff, and Adralan with a powerful explosive arrow.

The green glow of the Inquisitor’s rift was short lived as the Chief reclaimed his speed, doing powerful hits, blowing both the Warden and the Iron Bull back.

Adralan could hear the Warden gasp for air, feeling winded as he received the brunt end of his attack to the gut. He wouldn’t be surprised if there were a few broken ribs.

Off slightly to his left, Dorian activated a fade shield, putting up a minor guard for both the Warden and the Bull.

“Get _up_ , you stubborn _shem_!” Adralan’s voice carried over the thunder and rain. Even without his shouting, the Warden stood, proceeding to end this fight as quickly as it began.

The fight lasted longer than Adralan had cared for it to last, worse still, he had no idea where that blasted Warden had run off to.

Bull was already down, and Dorian was feeling faint, swaying this way and that. One hit to Adralan and he would be following the Bull’s lead.

“Where is that…” Adralan gasped, holding his wounded shoulder. This rudimentary bandage did little for keeping him from bleeding out. “Blasted _shem_ …?”

“Right _here_!” The Warden emerged from the shadows, jumping and delivering a fatal blow to the back of the Chief’s neck.

The Chief struggled to get the Warden off his back, and stopped moving entirely when that stubborn _shem_ ripped his blades upwards, downing the bandit chief in one fatalistic blow. Falling and taking the Warden with him, the chief landed face first in a pool of his own blood.

Unfortunately, the Warden was also unmoving.

Dorian ran to the Iron Bull, hoping to help him back up, while Adralan stood in front of the Warden. He was still breathing, at least.

Kicking his side gently, Adralan spat. “Come on, Warden. This is no place for a nap.”

They took it slowly to the main tower, hearing the shallow breaths from the Warden.

“I think that’s all of them.” Adralan began, walking ahead. His boots were soaked with a mixture of blood and water.

“We could throw the Inquisition’s banner over the battlements.” Dorian’s velvety voice sounded out over the pouring rain. “The villagers might not even object.”

Adralan’s fingers graced the rope, tugging down the bandit’s banner, putting up the Inquisition’s own.

It would have been a decent sight to behold, if the blasted rain hat let up a bit.

 _And if the Warden wasn’t so loud…_ Adralan dared a glance at the Warden, who had only done what he did before.

Sent air kisses.

*          *          *

After two day’s rest, the group was as good as it was ever going to get. Still suffering with minor wounds, Adralan bolted for the dam controls, releasing the water. Gaius had a hard time keeping up with the little elf.

Dorian had been a relentless tease for the young couple found in the tavern. If Gaius hadn’t had a lot on his mind, he would have teased them as well.

Running past the keep, now meant for Leliana’s network of spies, they made way for the smuggler’s cave, where Hawke and Alistair were waiting.

Gaius’ heart was in his throat. What was he going to say to his closest friend? _Hi, how are you? Sorry I haven’t talked in five years?_ _By the way, did you steal some cheese from Clarel?_

“Maker’s breath…” Gaius muttered. Unfortunately, Dorian heard him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cold feet, Dorian… What am I going to say to him…? Maker, I haven’t talked to him in five years…” Gaius’ mind was racing a thousand miles a minute.

“You could say…” Dorian thought for a moment. “Hm… Sorry, I’ve been busy the past few years? No… That’s not funny. Oh! How about-”

“Sorry I forgot the cheese?” Gaius snickered. “Hi, honey; I’m home?”

Dorian offered up a loud laugh. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

“I hope so.” Gaius kept his smirk on his lips. The silence on the way to the cave was agonising. That stupid song was playing at the back of his mind once more, unable to ignore it. It seemed easier to ignore it when doing something else, but since they were running in utter silence, it was unbearable.

“Ser Hawke’s Warden friend should be inside that cave!” Dorian pointed out after a few minutes. Gaius was grateful for the noisy distraction.

Just as expected, they saw Hawke waiting in front of the cave. “Warden, Inquisitor.” Hawke’s voice was barely louder than the rain. “Glad you made it. I just got here myself.” Hawke ushered the group in the cave and out of the rain. “My contact with the Wardens should be at the back of the cave.”

“He’s not the only Warden around here,” Adralan spoke up, “It’s a good thing his friends didn’t find him in Crestwood.”

“Yes,” Hawke’s voice was quiet, distracted. “I saw them earlier. They’ve been told he’s a traitor, and ordered to capture or kill him.” Her voice slowly got angry. “How much blood must be spilled by good men following bad orders…?”

“Alistair won’t be getting caught with me around.” Gaius spoke up.

“And how do I know that you’re not going to bring him back yourself?” Her voice was sharp.

“Because I’ve known him for ten years, and I’m not about to throw away our friendship because he stole cheese from Clarel.”

“ _Warden-Commander_ Clarel.” Hawke corrected him.

“Not when you’re of the same rank, _Champion_.” Gaius’ voice quickly grew cold. _I guess I’ll have to throw in the towel sooner or later. Andraste’s tits, I was hoping for later…_

Their footsteps echoed to the back of the cave, the moisture making the cave so damp it made puddles, the distant _drip-drip-drip_. It was all a welcome distraction from the song stuck in his head. Adralan pushed the door open, only to be welcomed by silence. Gaius saw that his shoulder was still bleeding, and he only wished he had another healing potion for the elf. Frowning, knowing something was going to happen, he rushed to Adralan’s side, only to feel Hawke’s hand gently hold him back. Looking back, Hawke’s piercing blue eyes bore into his own stormy grey ones.

Hearing a sword be drawn, Hawke pressed forward when Adralan turned. “It’s just us. I brought the Inquisitor.”

The rest of the group piled into the room. Gaius felt his nervousness hit him hard as he got closer to his friend.

“Wait,” Alistair’s voice rang out in the cave, his sword arm lowering. Gaius saw several barrels of cheese. _Maker’s holy balls, he really did steal from Clarel…_ “You have a Grey Warden with you.”

Gaius’ jaw set, unable to move. The blue and silver of his armour must have really been showing. Feeling a gentle push on the small of his back from Dorian, Gaius stepped forward. “It’s… Nice to finally see you again, my friend.”

“Finally see you, who are you?” Alistair put his blade away. He looked slightly different, however his hair was a mess. A small cut traced along his right cheek.

Gaius nibbled on his lower lip, contemplating whether or not to take his hood down. “I’ll tell you later.” Gaius brushed away the attention for a moment.

“Actually, we’ve been wondering who he was for the longest time.” Adralan’s smile held no warmth, only the look of mischief.

 _Little shit…_ “Fine…” Gaius’ voice was strangled. Placing his hands on the sides of his hood, he pushed the cloth over his head, offering up his best playful smirk there was. “Alistair, it’s me. Your old friend, the Hero of Ferelden.”

_That certainly didn’t last long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i planned on having gaius's identity revealed at adamant, but adralan's a little shit, so here ya are x3x


	6. Chapter 6

“Maker’s breath!” Alistair walked over to him in a single stride, putting his hands on Gaius’ shoulders, gently shaking him. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Long story, I’ll explain later.” Gaius’ lips still had that smirk, grey eyes still having that spark of playfulness.

“Right, well…” Alistair began. “I’m Alistair. It’s a pleasure to meet all of you, though I wish it were someplace nicer.”

“So, you’re _the_ Alistair? The one who fought with _him_?” Adralan elbowed Gaius. Forcing out a laugh, Gaius rubbed his waist.

Alistair let out a sigh. “I need to change my name.” He eyed his friend with curiosity. “Yes, that was me. War, betrayal, darkspawn. All lots of fun, and made for excellent stories I’m sure.” Alistair’s grin dropped. “Nobody cares about that anymore. I answer to Warden-Commander Clarel now. Like everyone else.”

“Which reminds me,” Gaius spoke up. “What’s she doing in Ferelden? Doesn’t she know I’m Warden-Commander here, or does she think she can control all Wardens in Southern Thedas?”

“I have no idea. Maybe she doesn’t even know if you’re alive. We never really gave them a straight answer, remember?” Alistair shrugged.

Gaius started shaking his head in remembrance. After the fifth Blight, the Wardens in Orlais were asking how both men survived without the other dying in the process.

“I thought for certain you stole cheese from Clarel.” Gaius smiled, folding his arms over his chest.

“And you would think that, wouldn’t you?” Alistair laughed.

“Most of you Wardens disappear,” Adralan spoke up, attempting to change the subject. Seeing as both Hawke and Alistair were watching the elf, it worked. “Then I run into a darkspawn magister named Corypheus. Do you think the one might have something to do with the other?”

“I think so,” Alistair took a few steps forward. “When Hawke killed Corypheus, the Wardens thought the matter resolved. But archdemons don’t die from simple injury.” He began to walk back to his table, looking at a few maps, and pointed to them so Gaius could exchange locations where they looked for other leads. “I feared Corypheus might have the same power, so I… I started to investigate.”

Gaius looked at the locations each had found. They’d both been in the same areas, turning up the same leads, and getting nowhere.

“I sent a letter to Gaius, in the last area where I’d heard him, but I didn’t expect an answer.” Alistair offered up a gloved hand towards his friend, still looking over the maps. “I found hints, but no truth. And then… Not long after, every Warden on Orlais began to hear the Calling. You too, Gaius?”

“I’m not immune to his charms, no… I’ve been hearing it for a while. Quite annoying, frankly.” Gaius nibbled on his lip again. Standing straight and scratching his eyebrow, he let out a deep, frustrated sigh. “We’ve been in the same areas. Nothing new.”

“I recall that being a bad thing,” Hawke began, her voice angry once more. “And Gaius said something about that before. Something about the Calling being false.”

“He’s right.” Alistair looked at his tired friend. “We haven’t been Wardens for too long, ten years at best, so there was no way we could have heard the Calling that soon. But it _was_ a secret. A very dangerous one. Unlike Gaius, I try to actually keep a few of my oaths to the Wardens.”

“Not fair, Alistair, I saved your arse…” Gaius pouted, shaking his head at the senior Warden. Sure, Gaius was Warden-Commander _and_ the Hero of Ferelden, but Alistair had still been a Warden longer than Gaius had. By all rights, Alistair should be leading, not Gaius.

“Is the Calling some sort of Grey Warden ritual?” Adralan asked. Gaius had made sure not to tell too much about Grey Warden secrets.

“Well,” Alistair began, thinking about how to word this properly, just as he had when Gaius joined. “Wardens are tied to the darkspawn. We’re connected somehow, and eventually, that connection poisons you. You get bad dreams, and then you start to hear the music. It calls to you, quiet at first. And then so loud, you can’t bear it.”

Gaius nodded. At this point, it was like a song was stuck in his head, playing on repeat for the past year. It was damn near unbearable when you were trying to be quiet.

“At that point, you say farewell, and go into the Deep Roads to die fighting.” Alistair spared a glance at his friend. Neither of them had happy and joyous encounters in the Deep Roads. The worst of it was when Gaius was in Amaranthine. The Architect and the Mother were some of the worst fights he’d been in, save the Archdemon.

“In death, sacrifice.” Gaius and Alistair said at the same time.

“And every Grey Warden in Orlais is hearing that right now?” Hawke spoke up after a tense moment. “They think they’re dying?”

“Yes, I think Corypheus caused this some how. If all the Wardens die, who will stop the next Blight?” Alistair offered up a hypothetical question. It needed no answer. “That’s what has them so terrified.”

“And then they do something desperate.” Hawke summed up the situation. “Which is, of course, what Corypheus wants.”

“How can Corypheus make all these Wardens hear the Calling?” Adralan asked again.

“I have no idea. I suppose it’s part of what he is.” Alistair thought. It was an educated guess, really. “Corypheus is tied to the Blight, and not just a product of it like most darkspawn. Wardens are connected to the darkspawn too. That’s how he seems able to control Wardens who get too close to him.”

“And that’s likely what he’s doing here, as well, somehow.” Gaius spoke up, leaning on his left leg, his arms still folded.

“So, the Wardens are making some last, desperate attack on the darkspawn?” Adralan’s voice was quiet, though Gaius could tell he was trying to hide the compassion in his voice.

Alistair looked at Gaius, whose back stiffened at the memory, his face paling, draining of colour, then back at Adralan, both minds having snapped back to ten years ago when Riordan failed to kill the Archdemon. “We saw what a Blight did to Ferelden! If Wardens hadn’t stopped it, there’d be no more Thedas! Warden-Commander Clarel proposed some... drastic things, blood magic and such, to prevent further Blights before we die.” Alistair cleared his throat. Setting his jaw, Gaius waited for the explanation as to why he was a rogue Warden. “I protested, maybe too loudly, and Clarel sent guards, and… well… Here I am.”

Alistair walked back to the table with the maps. Gaius was thankful Alistair hadn’t lost his wit over these last few years. Gaius had heard the call to Orlais, but like hell Gaius was going to give up his lead.

“The Wardens were gathering here, in the Western Approach. It’s an old Tevinter Ritual tower.” Alistair turned his attention back to the maps, looking over the information Gaius had given him. “I’ll go investigate soon. I could use some help.”

“I’ll meet you guys outside the cave. I won’t be long.” Gaius looked at Adralan, whose eyes were still in awe of the heroes before him. He couldn’t blame the elf; the Hero of Ferelden, the Champion of Kirkwall, and… Well, Alistair, were all three very influential people in this time. Gaius counted Adralan as one of the bigger powers, but like hell would Gaius admit it verbally.

“Let’s go.” The elf forced himself to turn around and leave the cave.

Once he was certain he and Alistair were alone, Gaius tackled his friend in a hug. “Andraste’s tits, Alistair…”

“I should be the one worried; you went silent for five years…!” As quiet as he was trying to be, his voice still echoed throughout the dimly lit cave. Alistair strongly hugged his friend back, only to hear a small grunt from the back of Gaius’ throat.

“Sorry… Fight over at Caer Bronach. Took the keep for Leliana.”

“She’s with the Inquisition!” Alistair grabbed a small bowl of cheese he had already been eating. “How is she?”

“She’s… changed, Alistair. I mean, she’s still the young lady we travelled with, but she’s got a tough shell on her… I’m trying to get through.”

“Next question; why were you trying to keep your identity a secret?”

“Because I knew Lady Cassandra was looking for me to be the Inquisitor. I’m already Warden-Commander, for mercy’s sake, and I’m not overly good at it.” Gaius laughed. “Besides, my time is better spent looking for ways to end the Calling.”

“You told them it was false when you first met them, I take it?” Alistair walked with Gaius, exiting the cave to join the others. Their voices were echoing throughout the cave, the dampness sending shivers down Gaius’ spine. He hated caves, and could hardly wait to get out of them. Another reason why he hated to Deep Roads so much was simply because he hated caves.

“To prove I was a Grey Warden and knew _something_. Last thing they need is a Grey Warden, but I still feel like I should do something. Corypheus is a darkspawn, thus needing the Wardens’ help. But he’s also a Tevinter Magister, so he’s got Dorian going against him, however he had the Venatori with him.” Gaius’ mind started going into overdrive, thinking about how terribly overwhelming this whole subject was.

“You’re babbling, again.” Alistair laughed, resting his hand on the hilt of his sword. “And what has Fergus said about all this?”

“Hardly knows I’m even alive. Like you, last time I talked or sent a message was years ago.” Gaius felt guilty at this. As the last surviving member of his family, Fergus had a right to know that Gaius was still alive. Even if that meant more teasing from his older brother, he still had a right. “After all we went through I…” Gaius’ voice faltered.

“Write him, tell him you’re alright when we get to Skyhold.” Alistair shook Gaius’ shoulder gently.

Gaius scoffed. “You think he’d be able to read my chicken scratch?” A light laugh left his mouth. His writing was always really messy.

“Oh, I don’t know. Write really slow then.” Alistair’s laughter was contagious.

Gaius tugged his hood back on, his world a little less dark than what it was before. He was thankful to have a part of the original crew back. All they were missing were… Gaius forced the negative thoughts from his mind, turning his attention to Adralan, Bull, and Dorian. “When we get back to Skyhold, keep my identity safe…?”

“Why?” Bull asked. “People’ve been looking for you the past few years.”

“Yes, I know, but there are other things on my mind that don’t deal with your inquisition.” Gaius tried to let them down easy. “Dealing with family is one of them.”

“Hey-hey-hey!” Alistair tugged on Gaius’ cloak. “How’s Ronan?”

“Still biting at the calves of idiots.” Gaius allowed himself to smirk. Ronan was his mabari, and Gaius was overjoyed to see him still kicking, even after all these years. Ronan was his oldest friend, and one hell of a trustworthy one. “Want me to reintroduce the two of you?” Gaius grinned, only to laugh when Alistair tugged his hood lower over his eyes.

Gaius all but snapped his head to Dorian when he began to talk. “You seem different, Hero.”

“Ah, I met him when I was still a teenager. Always brings out that childish side in me.”

Alistair feigned a gasp. “I do~? Maybe I should hang around more often and drag out that overprotective side of you, you mother hen, you.” Alistair teased Gaius.

“Oh, Maker, what have I done…” Gaius forced out a breath as he lowered his head. “I’m not a mother hen…” He grumbled, feeling his cheeks flare up.

The Iron Bull and Dorian began to laugh over the rain, their laughter echoing for miles, echoing into the hills of Crestwood.

The trip back to Skyhold had been arduous, with nothing but rain and thunderstorms. The freezing winds of the Frostback Mountains were a welcome relief, kind of. Not really, actually. They were sopping wet only to be greeted with freezing, wintry winds. Gaius was eager to warm up with an ale and a fire.

*          *          *

“Have you talked to Alistair at all?” Gaius took his steps up the stairs with a small hop. He was, surprisingly, in a jovial mood. Leliana was right where Gaius expected she’d be – pouring over her reports once more. Ronan was at her side, his head resting on her left thigh, his eyes closed as she offered loving pets.

“No. Not yet.” Her voice was cold. Forcing out a sigh, Gaius took a seat in front of her desk, petting one of the more… brutal of the crows she had like it was nothing.

“How’s Schmooples the second?” Gaius’s eyes trailed over the scratches and markings on the pages in front of him, all in a cipher which Leliana understood like it was the back of her hand.

Her eyes snapped up to Gaius, her blue eyes like sapphires, shining and beaming. “He’s great. Not as grand as the one you got me, but he’s a nice reminder of the days we had together.”

“Unless you count the times that Oghren got me drunk, there weren’t many.” Gaius laughed.

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Leliana followed Gaius’ lead, letting out a few soft chuckles. “It’s the smaller stuff, the ones that were hardly there that I remember.” Her smile was warm, inviting, allowing Gaius to relax like he does around Alistair.

“Which leads me to my next… weird… question thingy…” Gaius struggled to form the words. Leliana waited patiently for Gaius to successfully form the words he needed to say, the words that had been pulling at his mind for the past few years. “Any news on Morrigan?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I certainly tried on this one ^^
> 
> Edit: Changed mabari's name back to Ronan. I accidentally started calling him "Ace" instead of "Ronan"


	7. Chapter 7

_“Fergus,_

_I hope this letter reaches you well._

_I apologise for… uh… avoiding writing for a few years, but I swear, I have reasons. Better than my “just because” I used to throw around. It’s kind of tied up with the Divine’s death. There’s this Tevinter Magister Darkspawn called Corypheus and the Inquisition is trying to take him down. I’m helping, along with Alistair and Leliana. Trust me, there’s a whole lot more I wish I could tell you, Fergus._

_Ever since the Blight ended, it’s been battle after battle after battle. It wasn’t even a year before the crap in Amaranthine started kicking up a storm. Then not five years later, there was the Qunari invasion in Kirkwall that got Alistair tied up in it. Now it’s this… Darkspawn magister. Everything’s weird, brother._

_Ronan is still up and biting idiots in the shins. Maker’s breath, I’m so happy that he’s still alive._

_I have to get going now. Maybe I’ll sneak away and visit you after this whole Inquisition business is over. I’ll talk to you soon._

_Your brother,_

_Gaius._

_\- - -_

Gaius let out a small scoff as he leaned back in his chair. He hadn’t written Fergus in five years. Would he still remember him? Would he be able to read through his chicken scratch?

“Who are you writing to?” Hawke walked up behind him. Unexpecting anything, Gaius jumped in his chair. “Not sure if it’s a good thing that someone like you jumps at the sounds of someone like me.” Hawke laughed, careful to keep her voice quiet.

“Well, I was writing, and it takes a considerable amount of concentration to make sure that it’s not completely illegible.”

“You still didn’t answer my question.” Hawke spoke, poking his shoulder.

Gaius let out a sigh. “My older brother. I’m writing a letter to my older brother.” He looked it over again, checking for any spelling errors. _Not a way to greet your brother that you haven’t seen in more than five years, but it’ll have to do._

“May I see why…?” She leaned over Gaius’ shoulder. When he tugged the letter closer to him, Hawke let out a loud laugh, her laughter drawing the attention of several Orlesian nobles. “Oh, c’mon, what’s it say?”

“Brotherly things!” Gaius’ voice raised, but his blood was hardly boiling. His words seeped lies, but Hawke would hardly know otherwise unless she read the letter herself. “The whole ‘I’m gonna take over’ bit, I…” Gaius halted his words. “I was telling him about Corypheus, and the Wardens,” His voice lowered. “Also, my mabari makes an appearance.”

“Mabaris are everything, Warden.” Hawke agreed, grinning a toothy grin. “Y’know, Toothy and Ronan should work-”

“You named your mabari _Toothy_?” Gaius laughed.

“He has a toothy grin!” She protested, her voice light and terribly amused.

Gaius laughed in sync with her. _What a name!_

“You seem rather happy, Warden.” Dorian walked out from the rotunda, his hands clenched tightly, eyebrows furrowed. “I wish that were my case.”

“That so? What’s wrong?” Gaius asked, standing and cracking his back. He thought Dorian as a flirty friend, kind of like Zevran.

“It’s…” Dorian began, his whole body letting out a sigh as he dropped his shoulders, lowering his voice to whisper to him and the Inquisitor who was hidden behind the mage. “It’s my father. Before you say anything sar-”

“I wouldn’t. Alistair gave me this exact talk, Dorian. Trust me, it’s fine. If I might offer advice?” Gaius waited for Dorian’s “go-ahead”. “Whatever the issue is, hear him out…” Gaius’ voice lowered, his eyes serious and staring deep into Dorian’s own. “Alistair and I both lost our families… It might be unforgivable, yes, but it hardly hurts to hear out a reasoning. Is he just now reaching out?”

“After a few months of silence, yes.” Dorian answered. His shoulders were squared, and was already wary of Gaius. Fear or anger, it screamed.

Gaius forced out a shaky sigh, jumping again when he saw Hawke’s piercing blue eyes again. “I’m saying it all wrong. Just… Forget about it… If you want to talk after, I’m here.”

Gaius walked off before Adralan or Dorian could really say anything. Before he turned up the rotunda to talk to Leliana again, Gaius caught Dorian’s eyes still on him, completely unreadable.

He took the steps two at a time. His mind turned to the Ritual Tower they were supposed to be heading for. Alistair was on the battlements and he had yet to talk to him again. When he got to her spot on the rotunda, the birds immediately started squawking. Paying them no mind, Gaius looked for his friend, unable to spot her.

He walked in front of her desk, not trying to intrude, but maybe there was something here that told him where she was. Maybe she finally had news on Morrigan like he asked.

 _I’m an idiot…_ He looked in a separate pile and found the singular note without a cipher on it. _“I’m with the Ambassador next to the War Room. I have news on Morrigan if you wish to talk.”_

He all but ran down the stares, his heart leaping at the prospect of any news on her. He knows Morrigan asked her not to follow, but the last news they had was that she was with child. _His_ child. It hardly took him long to get to the Ambassador’s office.

His heart was racing. _What if she didn’t have any good news? What if it was bad? What about his child?_ He knocked on the door gently. “Lady Ambassador…?”

Hearing the faint “Enter” and pushing the door open, Gaius stood face to face with the Ambassador. His breath caught in his throat, eyes wide. _She’s…_ Her hair was done up in a perfect up-do, her dark skin practically glowing. Her eyeliner was on point, and her eyes themselves were like his own stormy grey ones, however they held joy where Gaius’ held extreme caution.

Leliana cleared her throat but it was all Gaius needed to break out of his reverie. The Lady Ambassador was gorgeous, and he wasn’t expecting it. He felt out of place and felt wrong for staring at such a beautiful-

It was Morrigan all over again. Gaius swallowed and bowed, his entire body stiff. “My apologies, Lady Ambassador, Sister Nightingale. I wasn’t expecting…” His voice trailed off again, starting shaky.

The Ambassador let out a quiet giggle. “It is fine. I was simply talking with an old friend.”

“And I have interrupted.” Gaius stood back up. He felt his hood slipping off and moved all to slowly to grab it and put it back on.

The Ambassador stared at Gaius. The joy was gone from her eyes, Leliana was waiting for her re-

“You lowered my hood…!” Gaius playfully accused his friend.

She simply offered up a shrug. “As long as it stays with the Ambassador, Iron Bull, Dorian, and the Inquisitor alone, I… Oh, that might be an issue.” Leliana’s voice trailed off as she remembered the Iron Bull. He wasn’t exactly the quiet person.

_This was not going to plan…_

Gaius squirmed in place, his armour clinking with every movement under the cloak. The afternoon sun was making him warm and uncomfortable in this stuffy room.

“I-I uh…” Gaius rubbed the back of his neck.

“It is a good thing you’re here, Gaius.” Leliana spoke up. “I do have news on Morrigan, and Josie knows.”

“I had no clue that you two were so close! Lady Morrigan and you.” Lady Josephine exclaimed, her hands clutching the clipboard in front of her.

“We were, yes. Not now, I’m assuming.” Gaius muttered, his eyes scanning the room for something, _anything_ to look at. _And Lady…? Ha ha! Morrigan was anything but!_

“Regardless, I have managed to find her.” Leliana continued, her blue eyes starting deep into Gaius’ grey’s. Her stare was enough to make anyone’s knees weak, and not in the infatuation sense. Right now, in the Inquisition, she was bloody terrifying. “She’s in Orlais, in the Empress’s court, Halamshiral, as a magical advisor of sorts.”

Gaius had one more question on his lips, and he’d hoped Leliana had the answer. He hadn’t needed to ask.

“And I haven’t heard anything about her child, if she or he is there.” Leliana finished.

Gaius nodded several times, his head still spinning. “So… If I just so happened to go-” Gaius’ words were cut off.

“No. The Inquisitor needs you when they go to the Ritual Tower in the Western Approach.” Leliana told him.

A small grin tugged at the corner of Gaius’ lips. “It’s just a quick detour north…” He bargained.

“Gaius…” Leliana laughed, pressing a hand to her forehead and shaking it. “Listen, I wish I could, but Adralan needs your help. Alistair needs your help.”

“If Lady Morrigan does have a child, what is your fixation with them?” Lady Josephine asked.

“Uh…” Gaius looked at Leliana, who held the same look as Gaius. Neither knew how to react to this. “It’s uh… It’s a long story and really complicated. I’ll be honest, I don’t even fully understand it. I might be able to explain more once I get to see Morrigan, ask her how exactly this happened.”

*          *          *

“How’s Dorian?” Gaius asked Adralan when they returned.

“It was rough, but I urged Dorian to talk to his father…” Adralan muttered, his voice quiet. “The letter said that they’d send a retainer…”

“A smokescreen…?” Gaius asked, asking Cabot for drinks for both him and Adralan. “Here; a quick drink.”

“Thanks…”

“You seem shaken. Are _you_ alright?” Gaius wondered, taking a deep drink. That familiar burn slipping down his throat felt sensational.

“I’m worried about Dorian. He’s probably waiting for me in his spot right now… I should… I should go che-”

“You love him, don’t you…?”

Adralan stared at the Warden, shocked. By the look in Adralan’s eyes, Gaius knew he was right. He’s seen that look before. He saw it in Morrigan’s eyes even when she wanted to end things. He saw it in Leliana’s eyes before they separated. “How’d you-”

“Your eyes. It’s not hard to deduce, Adralan.” Gaius explained, taking another deep drink. “It’s a look I know well. Hold him close. If you love him, don’t toy with his feelings.” He wished he'd heard that advice years ago. His life would have - might have gone differently.

“I’d never…! I wouldn’t even think of it!” Adralan’s voice slowly started getting louder, defensive.

A grin dashed across Gaius’ lips. “Go talk to him, kid.” Within a second, the Inquisitor had left, all but dashing for Dorian.

“Alright, so who’s paying?” Cabot spoke up.

Gaius stared at him. He finished his own drink and quickly downed Adralan’s. He’d barely touched it. He fished around his pockets for the coin that Cabot wanted when the bartender stopped him. “Nah, never-mind. I’ll just put it on your tab. Mystery Man, right?”

 _Such a hard ass._ “Right. Thanks.” Gaius thanked the dwarf. He had the sudden desire to talk to Alistair.

“What about Gaius…?” He heard Hawke’s voice as he walked up the steps to the battlements. “Are you sure you can trust him…? He’s silent for years and, all of a sudden, he reveals himself. Are you sure?”

“Surer than anything else, Hawke…” Alistair responded. _Hawke didn’t trust me?_

Gaius remained eavesdropping. He couldn’t help it, not when someone as influential as Hawke distrusted him.

“But why reveal there? And just to select people?”

“He must be working on something else. I’ve no intention of finding out what he’s got going on; that’s his business. He’ll tell me if he wants.” Alistair continued, defending Gaius just as he did during the Blight.

Gaius heard Hawke’s sigh. He could tell she was suspicious of him. Almost everyone here was; the Lady Seeker most of all.

He continued up the steps to talk to both of them, at this point. “I was hoping to stay hidden for as long as possible.” Gaius spoke up, making Hawke jump. “I’m not sure if it’s a good thing that someone like you jumps at the sounds of someone like me.” Gaius repeated what Hawke said to him earlier, his lips turned up in a smile.

“And you’re wearing that cloak again.” Hawke sighed. “Why bother wearing it?”

“Too many people are looking for me. Like I said, I’d much rather remain as hidden as possible.” Gaius explained as best as possible. It seemed an impossible task, now that the Ambassador knew. “Do you know when we’re leaving for the Western Approach?”

“I’ve heard it should be soon.” Alistair informed him. “Have you heard anything from the Inquisitor?” He asked Gaius. “You seem to be on good terms with him.”

Gaius bit back a laugh. _Me? On good terms with him? Hardly likely._ “He went back to Redcliffe for a brief mission a few days ago, but he’s back now. I haven’t heard anything and I’m not willing to push right now.”

“Why?”

“He seemed really shaken up. I couldn’t press anything. Couldn’t and didn’t want to.” Gaius shrugged. “Besides, I think-”

“Wardens! Champion!” One of Cullen’s soldiers came running up behind them. “The Inquisitor is planning on going to the Western Approach within the hour.”

“Speak of the devil…” Alistair elbowed his friend, eliciting a small chuckle from Gaius.

“Let me go get Ronan. I’ll meet you guys there.” Gaius said, rushing his words out as fast as he was able. He wanted to get this Grey Warden business over and done with so he could go find Morrigan.

*          *          *

The heat was damn near unbearable. Gaius stood in front of the ritual tower with Hawke and Alistair, waiting for the Inquisitor.

“How, the hell, can you wear that damn cloak in this heat?” Hawke looked at Gaius, the heat getting to her nerves. She rubbed her right brow, presumably to rid it of the sweat that had begun to form.

“Fortitude.” Gaius guessed. “I really don’t know how I’m able to. I’m more worried about Ronan than anyone else.”

“I agree.” Both Alistair and Hawke said. “It’s a miracle he hasn’t fallen over already.”

Gaius grunted out an accord. Squinting, he could just barely see an outline of a group of four, one of which had horns.

A flash of red flew across the corner of Gaius’ eye. Snapping his head around, he saw that Alistair and Hawke had done the same thing. “Fuck…” Gaius could see his fellow Wardens. Corpses, mages, and demons mucked about further down. _We’re too late! Damn it!_

“So what’s your opening line going to be?” Alistair tried to cut the tension in the air.

“Surprise, bitch.” Gaius stated without hesitation. “Or-or something along those lines.”

Alistair forced out a chuckle. “They couldn’t get here any faster…?”

“Apparently not…” Hawke sighed, wiping her brow.

“Sorry!” Adralan ran up. The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Blackwall were in his party. “Had to finish a few things first…”

“Glad you could make it; we’ve seen lights coming from the tower.” Alistair’s words were rushed. Gaius could tell he was really starting to get nervous.

“Blood magic, I’d wager.” Hawke began. “You can smell it. O-Or see the corpses. You take point. The Warden and I will guard your back.”

The walk across the bridge felt agonizingly slow, like they were moving in molasses. “If the worst comes to pass, will you be able to put the other Wardens to the sword?”

“If the worst comes to pass, yes.” Gaius muttered, his hand twitching. _Alright, maybe it was a bad idea to wear this cloak in this weather._

“Warden-Commander Clarel’s orders were clear.” One of the voices from the tower commanded.

“This is wrong!” A Warden protested. _What in the Maker’s name are they doing?_

“Remember your oath: In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death…” The first voice paused while another walked up to the warrior in the middle of it all, whispering something, before pulling out a dagger, shoving it deep into the gut of the warrior. “Sacrifice.”

Gaius could just barely see what was happening, and already he was disgusted. Having killed his fellow Warden, the mage summoned a demon, binding it. “Good,” The first voice sounded pleased with himself. “Now bind it, just as I showed.” Within moments, the rage demon had calmed its antics, becoming bound to the mage. The glint coming from his armour showed that he was a mage warden.

Hawke and Gaius hid to the sides, careful not to attract unwanted attention. _Why in the world is Clarel doing this?! ‘Wardens are given any extreme lengths’, fuck that! Warden or not, blood magic is forbidden!_

“Inquisitor!” The man greeted Adralan, his voice hesitated only slightly. “What an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service.” Erimond did a grand bow, but it only exaggerated the fact that he was corrupting the Wardens from within. Gaius knew the Wardens weren’t knights in shining armour, but they were like a second family to him.

“I’m guessing you’re not a Warden,” Alistair spoke up. His blonde hair was almost blinding in this light.

“But _you_ are. The one Clarel let slip.” Erimond began to pace the elevated stone of the tower. _You know… He’d look a lot more intimidating if he wasn’t wearing white go-go boots._ “And you found the Inquisitor, and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes?” His voice was getting steadily faster.

“It looks like you’ve already done some of my work for me.” Adralan’s voice held a calm rage.

“What, him?” Erimond pointed at the dead warrior. “We simply needed his blood.”

Gaius could barely contain his rage at this point, storming from out of cover. “Blood, blood, blood! That’s all that matters to you!” Gaius’s feet were heavy, his sword drawn and glowing. “Don’t you care at who holds that blood?!”

“Gaius…!” Alistair tugged at his arm.

“And… Who might you be?” Erimond had to have felt like he held the moral high ground. Hawke was still in hiding, all was not lost.

“Get this bloody thing off me…” Gaius struggled to pull the sticky cloak off him, feeling Alistair’s hands tug at the cloak, helping his friend out of the mess he’d gotten himself in. “Warden-Commander Gaius Cousland!”

He heard Erimond’s agitated sigh. “Oh, were you hoping to garner sympathy? Make the Wardens feel a bit of remorse? Wardens, hands up!” He paused as he raised his right hand, the Warden mages copying his movements. “Hands down!” Again, they followed him. _Damn him…_

“Corypheus has enslaved them!” Alistair’s voice was just as angry as Gaius’ was.

“They did this to themselves!” Erimond believed he was correcting Alistair. “Y’see, the Calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked _everywhere_ for help.”

“Including Tevinter.” Alistair all but snarled.

“Yes, and since it was my Master who put the Calling into their little heads, we, in the Venatori, were prepared.” Erimond explained further. _Why was he telling us this…?_ “I went to Clarel, full of sympathy, and together, we came up with a plan. Raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake.”

“Oh!” Adralan began, overdramatising this whole situation. _If he wasn’t Inquisitor, he’d be a damn good actor._ “I was wondering when the demon army would show up.”

“You knew about it, did you? Well then! Here you are! Sadly, for the Wardens, the binding ritual I taught their mages has a side-effect. They’re now my master’s slaves.”

_Damn it… Did they get Velanna? If Anders was here, would they have him, too? Does Nathaniel believe all this? Sigrun? Oghren?_

“You look angry, Commander.” Erimond taunted Gaius.

Sweat ran down his forehead, wiping it off before it dripped off his eyelashes. “It is not wise to taunt me, mage…”

“This was a test. Once the rest of the Wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas.” He extended his hands out at arm’s length, heaving a grand sigh.

“Release the Wardens from the binding and surrender.” Adralan’s anger began to show. “I won’t ask twice.”

“No,” Erimond snarled. “You won’t.” He held his right hand out at Adralan, magic and mana twisting into its raw form to activate the anchor on Adralan’s hand. “The Elder One showed me how to deal with you if you were foolish enough to show up again.” He flexed his hand, causing a painful grunt to escape from Adralan’s lips, his knees smacking the stone.

Before Gaius could take a step forward, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, holding him back. Looking up, he saw the anger in the Iron Bull’s eye, and the small shake of his head, telling him to not make any further sudden moves. He’d already blown their cover once. They still had an ace in bag, so all was not yet lost, but one more move, and it would all be over.

“That mark you bear? The Anchor that lets you pass safely through the Veil – you stole that from my master. He’s been forced to seek other ways to access the Fade.”

In front of them, Adralan flexed his hand, struggling to stand. “When I bring him your head,” Erimond continued his little monologue as Adralan raised his hand towards Erimond and using the Anchor as he would use it when closing a rift. The blast from it caused Erimond to be blown back, landing on his backside and rolling. Managing to find his ground, the magister groaned and pointed at Adralan, shouting off demands before he left. “Kill them!”

As soon as Gaius drew his swords, Adralan used the Anchor, creating a rift that was harmless to the team. Spotting a mage that had been sauntering away from the carnage, tossing a smoke bomb in front of him to make him invisible, Gaius ran across the area. Climbing the wall and landing directly behind the mage, Gaius whispered; “Peek-a-boo…!”

Before his stealth tactic wore off, he thrust his swords deep in the mage’s back, blood spilling over his hands, lifting the mage a foot off the ground.

Adralan looked at the lone mage, blinking once – twice – three times to make sure he was seeing what he saw. The mage had been lifted about a foot off the ground by absolutely nothing. Shock had been plastered on the poor mage’s face as smoke billowed out from behind him.

_Gaius. Of course…_

“Is that all you can do? Disappear and reappear at the most inopportune time?” Adralan folded his arms over his chest.

The smug grin on Gaius’ face made Adralan feel as if he issued one of the worst challenges yet. “No, not all. I can save a country. With a group of four, might I add.”

“You may not, and knock it off.” Hawke approached the group.

“You were right.” Alistair looked at Hawke. “Thanks to the ritual, the Warden mages are enslaved to Corypheus.”

“And the Warden warriors?” Hawke paused, looking at Gaius, Alistair, and Adralan. _Um…_ “Oh, yes… Of course, it can’t be _real_ blood magic until someone gets sacrificed.”

“Human sacrifice, demon summoning… Who looks at this and thinks it’s a good idea?” Adralan’s temper was slowly building again, though it was hardly difficult to do so.

“The fearful and the foolish,” Hawke said, her eyebrows coming together. Her arms folded over her chest, hiding her fists under her arms to keep them from shaking.

“I agree.” Gaius’ voice was low and eerily calm. Adralan couldn’t help but feel shivers trace down his spine.

“Hawke, they made a mistake, but they thought it was necessary.” Alistair countered.

“All blood mages do.” Hawke attempted to get the last word in, waiting for Gaius to say something.

Instead of saying anything, Gaius stared at his friend, a glare completely lost on the man. _How could he condone this?!_

“Everyone has a story to tell themselves to justify bad decisions. And it never matters. In the end, you are always alone with your actions.” Hawke’s words were heavy, harsh, yet true.

Gaius was hardly the one to spout the goodness in him; he played with another’s feelings, killed people who turned to banditry and could be taught to think otherwise, killed an Arl for murdering his family when he should have been brought before the Queen. Swallowing, Gaius opened his mouth, closing it a second later to avoid inviting either party’s wrath.

“Nothing to say, Gaius?” Hawke turned her attention to him regardless. After a brief shake of his head, she threw her hands up in frustration. “I knew it was pointless to bring you here.”

“Not at all.” His voice still held that eerily calm demeanour. “I’m a Warden – and where Alistair goes, I go. You needed an extra sword, so I came along. Three heads are better than two.”

“A million heads are better than yours!” Hawke snapped.

“Maybe you should go back to Skyhold and cool down…” His voice got gravely, speaking through clenched teeth. He’s had enough with Hawke’s pointless poking at him. He had no idea what he did to invite her ire, only that it was becoming increasingly difficult to let the punches roll.

The heat did much, and it toyed with everyone’s anger, making everyone more frustrated than they should be.

“I may know where the Wardens are,” Alistair cleared his throat, stepping in before a fist went flying. “Erimond fled that way,” Alistair pointed to the north. “There’s an abandoned Warden fortress in that direction. Adamant.”

Adralan finally found it in him to speak up, timid and still trying to unwind Gaius’ and Hawke’s quick tempers. “I guess they didn’t want to summon a demon army out in public.”

“Alistair and I will scout out Adamant to confirm that the other Wardens are there. Unless, Gaius wants to come along.”

“No, I’d only slow you down.” Gaius’s voice held glib, trying to bring their moods back up again.

“Alright. We’ll meet you back at Skyhold.” Hawke walked off, the sun reflecting onto her armour. _She had to be boiling in that stuff._

“Good, they’re distanced. Now what the hell was running through that empty head of yours?!” Adralan’s ire was soon invited on Gaius.

“Anger, primarily. Disgust.” Gaius tried to explain.

“No, not that… I meant when you ran out of cover! We had a plan, and you nearly ruined it.” Adralan folded his arms over his chest. The height difference made it feel as if he were talking to a child, or a teenager, at the very least.

 _Yes, what had I been thinking?_ “I… I guess I was just done with all this blood talk. Do these people not care where blood comes from? Do they not care about the person holding said blood? That person might have a family! Brothers and sisters, a mother or two or a father or two, maybe some children back home, and all the perpetrator can do is think of _blood_!” Gaius took a deep breath to try and contain his anger once more, but the heat was not helping him in this case.

“I… I apologise. I’ll meet you back at Skyhold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls forgive x3x


	8. Chapter 8

_“Gaius_

_What part of “Don’t vanish without telling me” don’t you understand? I already thought I lost you once, please, for the love of the Maker, don’t make me think, ever again, that I’ll lose you a second time._

_You mentioned this… Darkspawn magister in your letter. Said his name was Corypheus. Is he tied with the red lyrium up here? We’ve done what we can to contain it, where-ever it’s coming from, but it’s not easy. At least three guards have turned, and they’ve proven difficult to kill. I can’t even imagine what’s going on down South near Redcliffe._

_I’m glad Ronan’s still kicking. Speaking of war dogs, I managed to get one imprinted on me. She took a shining to me and wouldn’t stop following me around the palace. Ha-ha, now I know how you felt when you were chasing Ro all around the place. I’ve taken to naming my mabari Eleanor, after mother. We both know she wouldn’t be pleased with that, but it’s nice to imagine that she would be. Her name is still here, just… In mabari-form. It still feels like she’s home._

_You’d better take a bit of a visit up here, brother. It’s getting quite lonely, and I’d like to see if I can still win against you in a sparring match!_

_Your brother (and obvious winner of said match)_

_Fergus Cousland_

\- - -

Gaius let out a deep sigh into the mug of ale in front of him. The words were beginning to jumble together, and maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but he was doing it anyway.

He let out a scoff into the mug. “I coul’ win that fight…” His words were beginning to slur. His hand slammed on the table, the letter under his hand and a corner of it folded.

“What fight?” Cabot spoke up. When Gaius looked up from the mug he saw doubles of the dwarf.

“A fight b’tween mah brother an’ me…” He tried to explain. “Lie… A sparrin’ match…?”

“Okay,” Iron Bull walked over, picking the drunk Warden up, draping him over his shoulder. “You’ve had enough to drink. I’ll pay for it later.”

“No… Nooo…” Gaius made a feeble attempt to reach for the remainder of his drink. “Bull, lemme finish th’ drink…”

The Bull heaved a tired sigh, placing Gaius outside the tavern. The Warden saw doubles of the Qunari, swaying slightly side to side. That childish fight with Hawke in the Western Approach had gotten the better of him, and he had intended to apologise to her, yet he figured a drink – or a few – was the better option.

“I…” Gaius let out a hiccup. “Need tuh talk tuh Hawke…” His footwork was sloppy, nearly tripping over his own feet, just trying to get to the stairs leading to the battlements. Or past Bull.

“No – no – no…” Bull halted Gaius’ movements. “You two got in a bit of a cat fight out there, and I’m trying to make sure your arms aren’t ripped off because of her.”

“Aww… You’re worried ‘bout me…” Gaius tried to gush in this situation. He was hardly scared of Hawke; wasn’t he? “But ser’ously, I need tuh talk tuh her…”

“And you want to do it drunk?” A third voice spoke up, startling Gaius. As a complete drunken habit, his shoulders squared, lips pouted, and a small frown made its way across Gaius’ face as he turned to face the woman.

“Lissen… I was in th’ wrong in the… the… place, tha’ was super hot. I was sweatin’ mah ass off’n…” Gaius cleared his throat, trying to force that ego down. “I’m sorreh.”

Hawke was quiet for a moment, contemplating Gaius’ drunken slurs. “It’d be a lot better if you were sober, Warden.”

Gaius remained silent for a moment, thinking of what she had just said. “Gimme two days an’ talk tuh me then…” He staggered off. He _had_ apologised, but did Hawke know how much ego he had swallowed?

Probably not, but it hardly mattered.

\- - -

“What, pray tell, is your fixation with Morrigan?” Leliana had asked him. Her voice startled him from his thoughts, that song starting up again, getting louder and louder. He was thankful for her voice. “You’re welcome, by the way. Your nose was scrunching up a bit, and I could tell the Calling was getting to you again.”

Gaius caught the worry in her voice. He knew she never shared that tone with anyone else aside from the Ambassador.

“Um… Honestly, when we… yeah… she didn’t exactly explain it. That or I didn’t ask the questions I should have.” Gaius tried to explain, but the memories were fuzzy, at best. The Blight had messed with his head in the worst possible way. “She said something about this… Child having the soul of an Old God, but… I didn’t press the matter further; it looked like she was uncomfortable with it.”

“You should have.”

“I was nineteen and stupid and in love, Leliana.” Gaius snapped. “I should have asked; I should have… I should have pressed the issue. I shouldn’t have fallen in love with her.” He paused before swallowing his next sentence that would probably hurt her more than him. He was angry, at himself, at Morrigan, at the _stupid_ idea that she put down. He should have refused. Letting out a frustrated laugh, Gaius tried to talk without his voice shaking. “Remember when I was so sure of what I was doing…?”

“Wait, you knew what you were doing?” Leliana teased him.

 _I deserve that…_ He couldn’t help but laugh at this, his elbows on the table, his face in his hands. Sighing, and dragging his hands through his fingers, he looked to the abundance of crows here. He remembered a question he had yet to ask her. “What happened while we were separated…?”

“What do you mean?”

“I… I mean, this.” Gaius gestured to the crows. “You used to be so happy, so cheerful, so full of life. Jealous, as well, may I add.”

“You may not.”

“Alright, subtract that.” Gaius grinned. “But seriously, what happened?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s simply after Marjolaine.” She swallowed air. Gaius knew she was trying to think of the right words, or trying to dumb it down for him. “I realised my potential, I guess, after we went our separate ways. I started working for the Divine, acting as her Left Hand. She was Mother Dorothea back before I met you, Alistair, and Morrigan.”

“Wait… Was she the Revered Mother in _that_ cloister?” Gaius was slightly confused.

“No, that was a different woman who had let me stay there. Divine Justinia, or Mother Dorothea, is… _was_ Orlesian.” Leliana’s voice trailed off. Gaius had broached a subject that was still too salty and sore to touch.

“Apologies. I didn’t know.” Gaius didn’t know what else to say, and felt as if he were being backed into a corner filled with rats.

“No, you didn’t.” Both adults let out a tired sigh. “Did the Inquisitor say anything about any future plans? Are you guys going into the Emerald Graves?” Her sapphire blue eyes bore into his stormy greys. They were always inquisitive, always searching for answers, looking for things. Beau- Gaius cleared his throat, breaking eye contact.

It was hardly fair. _A wonderful and beautiful woman like Leliana shouldn’t waste her time with someone like me._ Gaius pulled at his gloves, stretching them over his hands.

“I haven’t heard anything, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he went in without me. I was hardly courteous while we were in the Approach.”

Leliana let out a giggle. “I heard. At least you apologized to Hawke.”

“Tried to. I was drunk and didn’t really do it properly. I figured it’d be the safest way of doing that.” Gaius told her, swatting a fly away from his face. Gaius was about to talk again but decided against it when one of her scouts walked up, reports in her hand. Gaius pulled his hood down lower over his eyes, looking away from the scout and out the window. _Age must be creeping up on me, I didn’t even hear her._ From here, he could just barely see Alistair.

“Pardon, my Lady, but these are from Charter.” The scout mumbled. “About Butch.”

Gaius had no idea who these people were, and nor did he care, but… ‘Butch’? Gaius raised a “whatever” type of eyebrow. It wasn’t as if Gaius would be able to do any better, he was horrible at naming things. Cooking too, if he really thought about it.

“It appears our dear Inquisitor isn’t even in the Graves. He’s back in Crestwood, finishing up a few things for Charter and Caer Bronach.” Her eyes traced over the ciphers on the page. “One of my spies was killed by Venatori, who then tried to kill the Inquisitor.” She nodded to the scout still stand here, a silent dismissal. “He’s fine. Don’t worry.”

_I… Really wasn’t but alright._

Gaius sighed as he relaxed in his seat. He felt so wrong about so many things. “This… Corypheus. What we saw in the Approach… he was using Wardens.” His eyes snapped back up to Leliana. “He was enslaving Wardens to Corypheus. What will that mean for Alistair, Blackwall, and me?”

“Yes, we heard.” Leliana leaned forward and placed her hand on his. “We will make sure none of you are affected.”

Gaius drew back from her hand, exhaling sharply and standing. Swallowing what felt like a pebble, Gaius spoke with a shaky voice. “I need to talk to Blackwall, then. I’ll see you soon.”

\- - -

It was hardly a secret that Gaius was worried about this, and his frustration showed when he spoke with the Constable of the Grey.

“Good afternoon, Warden Commander,” Blackwall didn’t look up from the small wooden griffon on his desk. A small glance perhaps to see who was there, but nothing further. His shoulders seemed tense, his mind overly focused on the task at hand. After further prompting from Gaius with but a hand gesture, Blackwall continued. “Cullen was looking for you earlier.”

“It looks nice.” Gaius’ voice was barely louder than the wind bustling in from the mountains. “I wish there were griffons in this Age… They’d be amazing for covert missions…” Much like ten years ago, he started thinking at how glorious riding on a griffon would be. He remembered Wynne’s laugh as he brought it up. “Ha ha…” He couldn’t help but laugh at this. “Glorious beasts, griffons.”

A grin crept up on Blackwall’s lips. “Yes,” He let out a chuckle, “And thank you. You know,” He stepped away from the griffon, cracking his back as he rose to his natural height. “This is the first time we’ve talked, I reckon.”

“I suppose it is,” Gaius _knew_ where this was headed, and he was trying to steer it in the opposite direction, “So, since we found out about Corypheus and the Calling and whatnot, are you hearing the song too…?”

“No.” Blackwall’s answer struck Gaius silent. No Grey Warden was free from his grasp, but then… “Meaning, I know what he is. Like I told the Inquisitor, he holds no sway over me.”

“Neither does he hold any over me, but I’m still hearing it.” Gaius was feeling… iffy about this. He _could_ send a letter to Anders, if he was still alive, send a letter to Velanna, to Nathaniel, someone, asking if they’re hearing it too, however… He didn’t know where they were, only that Anders was in the Free Marches. “Still. Aren’t you worried?”

“A little.” Blackwall broke eye contact and walked over to the fire he had set up. Gaius followed him, welcoming the heat. _Why anyone would want to stay in the stables is beyond me._ “What will it mean for the younger Wardens, just starting their, uh…” Blackwall thought of the word. “Their Joining…?”

“’A little’, pfft…” Gaius let out a scoff. “We’re all worried for the people just joining the ranks. I bet they think the world’s ending, regretting ever joining the Wardens.” He let out a tired sigh, stretching his arms above his head. “What about you? Do you regret joining?”

“Not at all. I was down on my luck when I came across the opportunity to become one. Never looked back,” He looked at the Warden-Commander. “You?”

“A little.” Gaius confessed. “Though, I’d have died in obscurity had I not joined. I’ll always be grateful for Duncan, even if I do question it from time to time.” Gaius chewed the inside of his cheek. “Where were you during the Blight? Alistair and I could have used your help.” _I know he’s from Markham, the accent says that much, but he_ did _say he was in Ferelden during the Blight._

Blackwall cleared his throat. “No, I would have gotten in your way.”

The younger Warden couldn’t help but laugh. “With the Constable of the Grey? I highly doubt it.” He shook his head. “No, your help would have been welcome.” Forcing out a breath, Gaius held out his hand to shake the older man’s hand. It was impossible to admit that he wasn’t as worried as he was before. Talking to someone as seasoned as Blackwall helped quite a bit. “It’s been nice officially meeting you, Warden Blackwall.”

“The pleasure is mine, Warden Cousland.”

Shivering slightly, Gaius waded back out into the cold and back to his designated quarters. Commander Cullen’s ‘wanting to see him’ could wait at least for another day.

But first, a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaa i'm so sorry!!!! D: i recently just got back into writing this so please bear with me!!


	9. Chapter 9

The word spread like wildfire through the barracks. Gaius felt as if he was facing his worse fears, knowing this was where everything would unfold. The location of where all this was taking place, where they would have to take this Erimond man down.

“How are you holding up? Are you ready to leave?” Leliana’s voice was rushed.

“Fine, and no, if I’m being honest.” Gaius made sure his swords were strapped to his back tight enough, so they wouldn’t fall off, but loose enough, so that he could breathe. “Nothing’s where I put it, and everything’s falling apart, and even though I’ve been wanting to get this settled, I don’t know if I want to continue doing this.”

Leliana was silent.

“What?” Gaius shot her a look, tightening his boot straps.

“You said that exact same phrase during the Blight.”

“Maker’s Breath, you remember what I said ten years ago?” He couldn’t help but laugh. “What an awesome memory you have.”

“I also know that you left for Highever last week. How is it? How’s Fergus?” Leliana halted herself. “I mean, Teyrn Cousland?”

Gaius laughed. “No need to correct yourself, he’s still the same stubborn oaf as he was back then. A few extra grey hairs here and there, a new family, but he’s still stubborn.” Gaius grinned as he straightened out his armour. “I won the sparring match, by the way.” He tried to brush aside the fact that he felt like he was intruding in on someone else’s family when he returned home. No one knew him, no one’s faces looked familiar. He felt like an outlier.

Leliana laughed, her brilliant smile all but illuminating the room. “I figured you would. Between the two, you’ve always been the quicker one.”

“Maker, I know, right?” Gaius walked down the stairs with her, laughing. He couldn’t help but worry about this situation. He’d have to fight his comrades in arms. He’d have to fight with some of the recruits he’s trained before he went “missing”. What if Velanna was there? Nathaniel? Sigrun?

“Relax, Gaius.” Leliana’s voice rang out above the song. “You and Alistair will be fine.”

“Yes,” He tried convincing himself. “We’ll be fine.”

\- - -

His eyes couldn’t leave the damage they were inflicting. He couldn’t believe it. All of his comrades have been brainwashed into thinking that _blood magic_ was the correct way to do things.

He watched as a trebuchet threw a boulder at a weak point in Adamant’s walls, the Commander standing just in front of the trebuchet itself. Inquisition soldiers were trying their damnedest to get inside for the Inquisitor. After Adralan, Dorian, Bull, and Varric had gotten in, Hawke, Alistair, and Gaius were to follow, providing back up.

Gaius felt his muscles burn as he ran in with Alistair and Hawke next to him.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Gaius?!” Alistair shouted his name over the fighting.

“Honestly, no, but I need to do it soon!” Gaius kicked up sand with every step, occasionally feeling a few grains of it hit his face.

Once they managed get in, a squad of Warden Mages were waiting with their pet demons. Gaius held no strong love for mages, but he still was opposed to controlling them. Let them have their own lives, don’t control them. It’s simple, but people _always_ want more power.

Gaius’ sword and dagger sang as they attacked the rage demon headed for Hawke, slicing it down as fast as possible, moving swiftly to the mage that summoned said demon.

“Forgive me…” Gaius was certain that no one else could hear him, and he hoped no one did. He thrust his weapons through the defenceless man in front of him, feeling the weight of him pressing down on him, the blood gushing over his gloved hands.

Pushing the now dead Warden off his weapons, he made for another target. His feet were now smacking the fallen sandstone of the fortress. As he was attacking one of the many mages here, a second one sent a ball of strong energy at his back, sending him flying away from the mage he intended to attack.

His ears were ringing as his body crashed against the nearest wall, letting out a sharp yelp as a jolt of pain shot through his whole body. As if for comical relief, he slid down the wall, his body turning slightly so he pressed against his right shoulder. He pushed off the wall to return the favour, feeling a warm liquid trickle down below his nose. A quick swipe under it proved to be blood.

Gaius figured using his smoke bomb would work, yet their demons were still alerted to his position, the sand kicking up with every footstep wasn’t helping either.

His armour felt almost too heavy by the time the fighting was over. Sweat dripped from his chin, blood dripped from his nose, and he was _just_ getting started. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Hawke running off, hopefully towards the battlements to assist with the fighting.

“Pull back, they’re through!!” A Warden shouted from one of the battlements. Looking up, Gaius saw an orange glint from the silver of his armour. Gaius smacked himself for being so slow to recognize that it was fire.

“Alright, Inquisitor,” The Commander walked up to the tiny elf. _I swear, he was born with that scowl._ “You have your way in. Best make use of it.”

_Good. Now where the hell is Clarel?_

“We’ll keep the main host of demons occupied for as long as we can!” Cullen shouted above the fighting.

“I’ll be fine, just keep the men safe!” Adralan shouted back. It was hard to hear anything beside the noises.

“We’ll do what we have to, Inquisitor.” Cullen paused for a moment to look between Gaius and Alistair. “The Wardens will guard your back! Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements; she’s assisting them until you arrive! You, Warden!” Cullen turned his attention to Gaius.

“What?”

“Keep the Inquisitor safe! I know you did so back in Crestwood, so I’m trusting you to keep him safe again!”

“Sure thing, Cullen!” Gaius gave the commander a thumbs-up, and the total informality of it made the man irritated and confused as to who this Warden was.

In front of Gaius, a soldier had been thrown off the battlements. Noticing the silver of their armour, he ran over to them, getting to them just as their body met the ground. Wincing and kneeling, Gaius tore the man’s helmet off, trying to get a look at his face. _Not Nathaniel, not anyone else… Good…_

“Agh, there’s too much resistance on the walls. Our men on the ladders can’t get a foot hold! If you can clear out the enemies on the battlements, we’ll cover your advance!” His voice carried out louder than the fighting around them. Gaius walked back to Adralan, who was gripping his bow like it was his lifeline.

“By the Maker and the Creators, keep the Inquisition soldiers safe…” Adralan whispered, just so Gaius could barely catch what he said, and walked past, breaking into a run.

Screams and shouts echoed throughout the fortress. At this point, he preferred the false Calling to the screams. As much as he tried to ignore it, one piercing scream here, or one roar from a demon there would always make his mind snap back.

“Rrraah!!” One of the warrior Wardens ran up to attack Adralan as he turned a corner.

“Look out!” Gaius ran in, his swords crossing over another blocking the blow meant for the elf. “Think, Soldier!” Gaius shouted at the Warden, grey eyes staring deep into fresh – yet terrified – emeralds. “Use your brain! You might be scared, but you _know_ this isn’t right!!”

“Warden… Commander?” The boy’s voice lessened some of its previous anger.

“Yes, that’s right.” He’d hoped he was getting through to the boy. “Put down your weapons against us, Warden. We are not here to fight you, only to get to Clarel.”

“Aye, but she did order me to stop the Inquisition.” The boy thought he could outsmart Gaius by having his spare hand reach for his dagger strapped to his back.

His movements were frantic, grabbing for the offending hand before it pierced through the weak spot in his armour. Gaius’ breaths were rapid as he held the boy’s hand, snapping his wrist to force him to drop the dagger. As his sword hand dropped, Gaius’ own raised as he twirled the blade around in his hand, slicing his blade to the right, drawing it over the boy’s throat. He watched as the life left his eyes, the anger, the fear. The boy’s last breath sounded like a Chantry bell, loud and clear, and shaking time itself. _Why is this just now affecting me?_

The young Warden dropped like a stone in front of Gaius, the area free from any further attacks for the moment.

It felt as if Gaius swallowed a stone as he forced himself to keep up with Adralan and the others.

“Stay back!” He heard another Warden shout. “We want no part in this!” He defended himself against an attack from a Rage demon, quickly turning his attention to one of the Mage Wardens.

“We’re on your side!” Alistair responded, assisting in killing the mage.

Gaius threw another smoke bomb on the ground, using his stealth to sneak around the battlefield to get to one of the mages that had tip-toed away from the fight. He’d hoped, when he drew his blade across the mage’s throat, that the mage would whisper “Thank you”; alas, his hoping went ignored as the mage fell before him, resting in a pool of his own blood.

“Just stay back!” The Warden shouted again.

“The inquisition is here to stop Clarel, not kill Wardens!” Adralan shouted back. His grip on his bow was tight, tight enough that Gaius feared the elf would snap it in half. “Please, fall back and get to safety!”

“Alright.” The Warden was quick to comply with Adralan’s demand. If anything, Gaius was impressed that this warden went along so quickly. **“** My men and I wanted nothing to do with this. Keep pressing forward. Clarel should be just ahead.”

“Nice work, Inquisitor,” Alistair pulled Adralan aside once they were out of earshot from the other wardens. “I’m glad some of them could be reasoned with.”

As the group pressed forward, it took Gaius a moment to realise that Alistair wasn’t with him, that he’d stayed behind with the other wardens.

“Having to put your fellow Wardens to the sword,” Dorian muttered next to Gaius as they pressed forward towards the battlements. “I can’t imagine that it feels grand.”

“No,” Gaius sighed. “No, it really doesn’t.” He’d be lying if a few faces didn’t look familiar. After the events of Amaranthine, Gaius had met with a few of the Orlesian wardens, updating them on what had happened. He’d trained with them and fought with them. And now he was killing them. “Honestly, I feel like a traitor…”

Dorian was silent, unable to offer support. He _had to have known_ what it felt like.

The roar of a Pride demon, once the group made their way to another part of the battlements, stopped Gaius cold in his tracks. He hadn’t seen one up this close before. _Oh, I wonder why I didn’t just stay in Highever…_

“Let’s take out those demons, quickly!” Dorian called. His voice was just barely louder than the sounds of the fighting, the screams of the wounded. Thankfully, it was just enough to snap Gaius out of his thoughts.

The pride demon’s laughter made shivers trail down Gaius’ spine. He’d never heard one laugh before.

“I guess no matter how many adventures you’ve had,” Gaius spoke up, slicing a demon down. “You’ve always got room to hear that chilling laugh of a pride demon!” Gaius shouted. He arced his blade up, cutting a shade almost in half. Just when he thought his sword had gotten caught in… the body of it, the shade disappeared.

“You’ve never fought one?” Dorian asked, twirling his staff above his head and slamming the blade down hard on the ground. Ice erupted from around the pride demon’s feet, attempting to slow it down.

“I have, once, but that was ten years ago, and it was an abomination.” Gaius answered, remembering the fight with Uldred. He ran in and sliced low at the demon’s… ankles. He wasn’t even sure if demons _had_ ankles, but he sliced at where they _would_ be if demons had ankles.

The demon stomped in anger, sending Gaius, Iron Bull and Alistair back a few paces. He’d heard Hawke shout, anger seeping through her lips like slobber does from a mabari’s mouth. “Blood mages! It’s always blood mages!”

Gaius dared a quick glance around at the small field, noticing that a Warden was approaching Hawke from behind. “Behind you!” Gaius shouted at her, dashing to intercept the attack that was meant for her. Sparks flew as the Wardens’ blades collided, the faint glow of Starfang illuminating the fear on the Orlesian Warden’s face. “You’re being tricked!” Gaius shouted at him, hoping to shout some sense into the man.

“Lies! We will stop all future Blights!”

“With the help of a darkspawn – the very thing you’re sworn to destroy! Your comrades who are mages?! They aren’t your friends anymore!” Gaius countered.

“I believe in Clarel!” The man’s focus shifted from Gaius’ blades to his waist, attempting to slice him in half.

The force of his attack sent shivers down Gaius’ spine, once their swords collided. He was in a sticky situation, one where if he made one foul move, his arm wouldn’t be there for much longer. His grip was slick on the hilt of his blade, threatening to slip from his grasp. His left hand had been holding onto his opponent’s hand, making sure the dagger in it didn’t come slicing through Gaius’ eye.

 _C’mon, think, think, think! Use your… Your head!_ He’d regret it in the morning, but Gaius slammed his head against the Warden’s own, rattling his brain – it felt. Thanking the Maker for this _stupid_ idea, Gaius quickly recovered from his awkward stance and thrust both his swords through the Warden’s chest, quickly kicking him off and turning his attention to the Pride Demon.

It looked as if it was slowing down, thank the Maker, but every attack was just as devastating as the last. Gaius felt as if his swords were ineffective, sticks against a hunk of metal.

In one moment, he blinked, and in the next, the demon fell, defeated.

“Nice one, Warden!” Bull shouted across the field, his grin plastered across his face, thumb up in clear approval.

 _What did I do?_ Gaius couldn’t remember what he’d done, or how the demon had fallen.

Adralan dared a glance at the Warden-Commander, noticing how blank his stare was. He’d watched the man climb up the demon, trip, and slice down the demon’s throat. His blank stare turned into that of confusion, of concern. He’d no idea what he’d done, or how much of a life saver it was.

“Inquisitor!” Hawke shouted at the elf. Her mabari looked around, sniffing here and there before glancing up at Adralan. “Always a pleasure!”

“Good work!” Adralan responded. His heart felt like it was in his throat – felt as if far too many lives depended on him. “Stay with my soldiers and see that they survive this!”

“I’ll keep the demons off them as best I can!” Hawke agreed. Her footwork was as fast as ever, running off in the direction closest to the bulk of the Inquisition’s soldiers.

“I suggest we keep moving,” Dorian began. “Soldiers get tired – demons not so much!”

The thought of more soldiers dying because Adralan took too long to move his damn feet was enough prompting to get him to move. His heart was racing and felt worry flow through him like water would flow down a stream.

“Warden!” Adralan shouted at Gaius as the group started to move. They were getting closer to Clarel - they had to have been. He’d been standing there, unmoving and silent. Had he really blacked out completely?

Adralan noticed his nose scrunching, noticed how the Calling was slowly getting to him. Breaking his strides towards Clarel, he ran towards Gaius, placing a hand on his arm.

Gaius all but jumped when he felt that light touch. He… _He_ killed that demon? How? Had he been able to lower its defences that much? His eyes were wide as he glanced down to his left, finding the elf scowling at him.

“I did call for you,” Adralan muttered before running off.

Gaius chose to ignore the look of concern in the Inquisitor’s eyes. Adralan had no time to worry about a warden like him. “Right,” He mumbled, turning in the direction of the group. “Of course, you did. I had to have zoned out… Apologies, Inquisitor.” His voice sounded animated, empty. Like there was such a loss of life it seemed impossible for Dorian to resurrect.

Adralan ran through the keep, finding a window with a… “Maker…” Her heard Gaius mutter behind him.

“That’s one big rift, boss.” Bull continued.

“I noticed,” Adralan tried to finish these painfully obvious mentions. “We need to keep moving – we’re almost there.”

\- - - 

Adralan put all his weight against a nearby door, _just knowing_ Clarel was on that other side. It had taken them a long time to get here, but here they were, with Alistair and Hawke walking closely behind.

As the group walked in, they noticed just how many Wardens were under the influence that they were able to pre-empt the blight by stopping the Archdemons before they wake. It was a foolish plan, and a plan that could only end in more bloodshed than they were willing to spill. Gaius knew this to be true.

Gaius’ blood ran cold as he watched Clarel slice a Warden’s throat, the elf falling at her feet. _Who looks at this and says “Good idea!”?!_ Gaius was fuming by the time the group had been noticed, the heat doing much of the work itself. Despite it being nighttime in the desert, it was still hot, hotter still from the blood boiling in Gaius’ veins. Was Alistair thinking the same thing? Or is he still ready to excuse this kind of behaviour?

“Stop them!” The same magister from the Ritual Tower shouted, pointing at the Inquisitor’s group. “We must complete the ritual!”

Adralan held up a hand to his group to keep them from advancing with him. Either he was stupidly brave, or bravely stupid, and Adralan wasn’t sure which one he felt he was. He’d hoped he could handle this without having to rely on his bow.

Gaius tugged at his cloak, the wind doing much the same. It begged him to take it off, the heat demanded that the cloak be taken off so that he could cool, and to demand that Clarel step down. Eventually, he gave in to the temptation, raising his hand to the clasp at his throat, feeling it loosen under his fingers, and feeling it lift from his shoulders and into the winds above them.

Eventually, but not now.

The Wardens guarding the giant rift behind them advanced just as Adralan did. “Clarel, if you complete this ritual, you’re doing exactly what Erimond wants!” Adralan’s voice carried over the wind and to the Orlesian Warden-Commander.

“What,” Erimond began, already starting to twist what Adralan was trying to say. “Fighting the Blight? Keeping the world safe from darkspawn?! Who _doesn’t_ want that?!” He shouted, flinging his arms about like a child would if they were upset that their mother said no. “And yes, the ritual requires blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but do not hate the Wardens for doing their duty!”

“We make the sacrifices no one else will. Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them!” Clarel argued.

“And then he binds your mages to Corypheus!” Alistair finally shouted at her.

“Corypheus…? But he’s dead…” Clarel mumbled, already in doubt.

Gaius took a step further, releasing the clasp on his cloak, allowing it to flow free from his throat. “I can assure you, Clarel, that Corypheus is very much alive.”

“It’s the Hero of Ferelden…” A few wardens muttered, taking a few paces back. It was clear they were unwilling to fight the Warden that ended the most recent Blight – albeit a blight that had ended ten years ago.

“These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel.” Even at this distance, Gaius could still hear Erimond trying to convince her that the Inquisitor was wrong, and that they were still in the right.

Clarel rose her left hand to her forehead, rubbing away an invisible pain, trying to make up her mind. “Bring it through,” she had come to a conclusion.

The mages advanced towards the rift, offering themselves almost as sacrifices to open this rift. Gaius felt as if ants were crawling in his boots, unable to stand still and squeamish.

Adralan advanced towards the Wardens, anger evident in his shoulders. Gaius, Alistair and Hawke followed closely behind him. Gaius watched as a few warden warriors shrank back in fear.

“Please!” Hawke started, balling her fists at her sides. “I have seen more than my fair share of blood magic! And it’s never worth the cost!”

“I helped Gaius defeat the Archdemon in Ferelden,” Alistair tried talking some sense into them. “Would you at least _consider_ listening to me?!”

“This isn’t right, and you know it!” Gaius snarled, shaking he was so mad. “You have no idea what it’s like fighting an Archdemon, attacking by surprise or no! Stand down!”

A scream echoed through the rift, sending shivers down Gaius’ spine. Impossible in this sordid place, but it still happened. He hated being anywhere _near_ the Fade and was eternally grateful that he wasn’t born a mage. He had respect for those who didn’t abuse their Maker-given powers and pitied those who did. The fact still stood that he was terrified of the Fade and would rather live without it.

“Be ready with the ritual, Clarel,” Erimond’s voice carried. “This demon is truly worthy of your strength.”

“Listen to me!” Adralan shouted. “I have no quarrel with the wardens! I have spared those I could! I don’t want to kill you, but you’re _being used_! And some of you know it, don’t you?” Adralan hoped to spare innocent wardens. They knew that the warden mages wouldn’t listen, but perhaps the warriors would stand down.

“The mages who’ve done the ritual?” The same warden Adralan had spared before spoke up. “They’re not right – they were my friends, but now they’re like puppets on a string!” He finally started to see just how dangerous this ritual really was.

“You cannot let fear sway your mind, Warden Chernoff!” Clarel cut in, making sure that her wardens weren’t about to back away from this foolish ritual.

“He’s not afraid!” Hawke shouted. “You are! You’re afraid that you’ve ordered all these brave men and women to die for _nothing_!”

“If this were a fight against future Blights,” Alistair continued to try reasoning with them. “I would be at your side, but it’s a lie!”

“I’ve fought and killed the Archdemon back in Ferelden, trust me! This is a ruse, and you’re being lied to!” Gaius balled his fists at his side.

Gaius saw Erimond whispering to Clarel, trying to draw her back into his web of lies. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but it was safe to assume that Clarel was backing down from this fight, that what Erimond was proposing was a ruse.

“Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally...!” Erimond snarled, knowing he’d lost the help of the Grey Wardens.

“My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor!” Erimond held onto his staff, red sparks shooting out from the bottom of it. “He sent me this to welcome you!”

He slammed his staff on the stones of the podium four times, screeching in the distance evident of Corypheus’ pet dragon approaching. It flew over head of the Inquisitor’s small group, spewing out red lyrium, splitting the group into two.

Gaius dared a glance up a Clarel, landing on his shoulder. He saw how startled she was that he had all but summoned an Archdemon. His attention was snatched from her to the battlements where the dragon had landed. It snarled, causing both the Inquisiton and the Wardens to back away from it. The mage wardens didn’t seem to notice.

He heard a shout over where Clarel was. Looking in her direction, he saw that Clarel had struck Erimond from behind with a bolt of lightning. Not enough to kill, but enough to stun.

Gaius forced himself to his feet, keeping an eye on both the dragon and Clarel. _Was she finally seeing how much of a danger this was?!_

He watched as Clarel shot another bolt at the dragon, watched as Erimond held up a hand telling her to stop. The dragon shot a bolt of red lyrium at her, its attention on her the moment she stunned Erimond, jumping off and flying towards her and Erimond both. Once it neared them, it shot another bolt of red lyrium, dividing the two. Erimond ran off as Clarel looked back at the Wardens under her command.

“Help the Inquisitor!” She ordered as she ran off towards Erimond.

The moment between her order and when hell broke loose was the most still moment Gaius had experienced since this all began. It felt as if time stopped around him, allowing him but a moment to catch up to the events taking place this very moment. His breaths were as still as time around him, as still as Adralan’s movements, as still as the rift in front of them. It was still and it was quiet, but most of all, it was peaceful. He heard his blood pulsing through his body, felt his heartbeat, still nice and steady. His eyes were closed in peaceful contemplation, his breaths evening out as he felt time speed up again, drawing his blades and running towards yet another Pride Demon.

He was thankful this demon wasn’t as difficult to defeat as the one on the battlements – difficult nevertheless, but slightly easier.

“Dragons make things interesting!” Bull shouted, slicing down a warden mage.

“I agree – up until they’re made of red lyrium!” Gaius countered, defending himself from an attack from a shade. “Then it’s a fucking mess!”

“What about the dragon in Haven, Gaius?!”

“There was a dragon in Haven?!” Hawke shouted after Alistair.

“Ten years ago!” Gaius answered her, soon answering Alistair. “And if you’ll recall, I actually listened and didn’t touch that bloody gong!”

Bull’s laughter echoed throughout the area, over the shouts of the wardens fighting their kin.

“Which way did Clarel run off to?!” Adralan shouted over the noise.

“This way!” Gaius ran towards the spot where she ran off, hoping that there was only one way to go, and that they didn’t have to investigate as to which way she went.

Adralan and his group made their way around the keep, hiding from the Archdemon at, what felt like, every turn. Demons popped up along with wardens who tried to stop said demons, trying to clear a path for the Inquisitor and his small group of companions.

They pushed their way down the halls, slicing down as many shades as they could, making sure they were sent back to the Fade.

“Up those stairs!” Gaius shouted, using his blades to point the way. “She went that way!”

As the group rounded the corner, they saw Erimond and Clarel in a bit of a showdown before the abyss- on the bridge that held them above it.

Erimond shot off as many bolts of lightning he could at the Orlesian Warden-Commander without draining his powers too quickly.

“You!” Clarel snarled, her voice echoing in the vast area. “You destroyed the Grey Wardens!” She manifested and folded a part of the Fade in front of her, pushing it forward to knock Erimond off balance. She ran behind him after he’d fallen.

_You did this yourself, Clarel._

“You did this to yourself, you stupid bitch…” Erimond growled as a rabid dog would, snapping and biting at an assailant’s ankles. He turned himself around, sitting on his hip and holding his side. “All I did was dangle a little power before your eyes, and you couldn’t _wait_ to get your hands bloody!” He made her out to be the villain. Even in Gaius’ own eyes, while he knew he wasn’t right either, he also knew _they_ were as wrong as he was. From his own standpoint, they were the villains in this scenario, seeing “the right side of things” from their own eyes, making _them_ selves as the hero in this situation, arguing about a cabin while it burns down around them.

Clarel barred her teeth as would a mad lion, using as much energy as possible to blow Erimond back. He was quickly made into a groaning, trembling and smoky mess. “You could have served a new god…”

Clarel stood over him, a gleam in her eye Gaius hadn’t seen since Morrigan. “I will _never_ serve the Blight!”

Adralan and his small group entered the vast area once it felt semi-safe to enter. Hawke and Alistair stood on either side of Gaius while Adralan’s group stuck closely behind him.

Without warning, as if the dragon was a lightning bolt, it came down, snatching up Clarel in its maw, jumping away immediately after. They watched as the dragon landed on a side of the keep, balancing itself, dangling Clarel in its mouth before tossing her aside like a child would a broken doll.

Adralan and Gaius’ movements were just as slow as the dragon’s advancement towards them. _That edge sure is getting closer and closer…_

There were only a certain amount of steps Gaius allowed himself to take before stopping. He didn’t want to fall backwards into the unknown behind him.

“In war, victory,” Clarel began to mutter. To him? Her eyes were plastered on him as she crawled her way towards them. “In peace, vigilance,” She fell onto her back, her eyes whispering an apology, one only Gaius could understand. He knew what she was doing.

_In death,_

A bolt of lightning left her hand as she disrupted the dragon’s pounce towards the group, causing it to tumble straight into the already loosened bricks of the bridge they were on. Flying away before it had the chance to fall in the…

The bridge had already started to collapse, forcing panic into Gaius’ throat. He glanced back a few times, falling, causing Alistair to turn and run towards his friend, hauling him back up, only for the both of them to drop once more. Adralan turned, immediately running for the pair of wardens who had already begun to fall into the abyss.

It felt as if his fall was never ending, and Gaius closed his eyes, bracing for death.

_Sacrifice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> work and "college" got in the way - i apologise.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this turns out the way I would like it to. I own none of the characters aside from Gaius Cousland and Adralan Lavellan. I do plan to keep this as short as possible, this is just to humour myself, but I thought, "Hey, why not?" and posted it on here.


End file.
